Gusto ko na talaga magpakamatay dahil sa sobrang sakit na nararamdaman ko ngayon at di ko na makayang mag-isip ng ganito oras-oras. Kahit na sabihin ng lahat na “I’m better off.” at “Other good things will happen.”, ayoko nang maniwala. Wala na akong gusting paniwalaan sa mundo. Gusto ko lang mawala na. Ang hirap-hirap kasi. Sabi niya, “Gugustuhin mo bang magkarelasyon tayo kahit di na ako masaya?” Masama bang mawala na lang sa mundo, kahit na alam kong may umaasa pang mabuhay ako? Ayokong mag-isip ng ganito. Ayokong sabihin kahit kanino ang mga ito. Pero sa totoo, sa sobrang hirap ng nararamdaman ko, hindi ko maisip kung paano ko tatapusin ang araw na ito. Hindi ko rin alam kung ano pang nagpapaandar ng mundo ko. Alam ko lang, ang sakit na ito, lalo lang lumalala habang umiikot pa rin ang mundo.
I leaned on someone too much and I suddenly got attached, which is not a good thing. I understand that this might have eventual ramifications. I just never thought it would be so bad as this. I should end it now. I understand that I’m only trying to like someone because they make me feel good but the thing is, it’s moving too fast and I’m not in love. I’m just in like. In all honesty, I’m simply being very much flattered with the attention I am getting and seeking the security of another relationship when in fact, I am not ready for a new one. I’m thankful for the time and the effort and all the flowery words that has come my way. It’s a good build-up for my sense of self after it has crashed but in all honesty, why am I even considering something that is obviously not right? Ok... Time to think... Get drunk again and all that.
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