Monday, June 23, 2008

On whether I should care...

I'm on a the verge of tears but I am successfully able to hold them in. I don't want to cry here where no one really cares how I feel. I have to hold it in.

He's not saying anything and it hurts just a little because he makes me feel like crap sometimes. Whenever I feel like this, I don't want to feel much of anything anymore. I don't want to care anymore.

There is me with him and there is me without him. There's a marked difference because the me without him is an empty shell. But then, no matter how empty I may be, I am still myself, right?

No one understands why I am like this. Maybe someone out there does but it hurts that even he doesn't understand. If he truly understand, then he would care enough to write, he would care enough to let me know that he's alive. Ah!

I'm being scary again. And I am scary. It's not so much that I scare other people. It's more like I scare myself. Probably because this feeling of rage, this feeling of helplessness, and this feeling of unasailable sadness deep inside me, is kept inside me. I don't dare tell anyone, how I want to kill sometimes, how I want someone to bleed, because I hurt and I hurt physically, and I want someone else to feel such hurt. I want someone to scream the scream I keep inside me.

No comments: