Sunday, February 28, 2010

I think I'm better today than yesterday...

On My Own

And now Im all alone again
no where to turn no one to go to
Without a home without a friend without a face to say hello to
And now the night is near
now I can make believe hes here

Sometimes I walk alone at night when everybody
else is sleeping
I think of him and then I'm happy with
the company I'm keeping
The city goes to bed
And I can live inside my head

On my own,
Pretending he's beside me,
All alone, I walk with him till morning.
Without him, I feel his arms around me,
And when I lose my way, I close my eyes,
And he has found me...

In the rain,
The pavement shines like silver,
All the lights are misty in the river,
In the darkness the trees are full of starlight,
And all I see is him and me,
Forever and forever...

And I know it's only in my mind,
That I'm talking to myself and not to him,
And although I know that he is blind,
Still I say, there's a way for us...

I love him,
But when the night is over,
He is gone, the river's just a river
Without him the world around me changes,
The trees are bare and everywhere the streets are full of strangers.

I love him,
But everyday I'm learning,
All my life,
I've only been pretending,
Without me,
His world will go on turning,
A world that's full of happiness,
That I have never known...

I love him... I love him...
I love him... But only on my own...

Saturday, February 27, 2010

What If

Don't speak
I can't believe, this is here happening
Our situation isn't right
Get real, who you playing with
I never thought you'd be like this
You were supposed to be there by my side

When you say that you want me
I just don't believe it
You're always ready to give up and never turn around

But what if I need you baby
Would you even try to save me
Or would you find some lame excuse to never be true
What if I said I loved you
Would you be the one to run to
Or would you watch me walk away without a fight

I'm so sick of worrying that you're gonna quit over anything
I can trip and you let go like that
And everything that we ever were
It seems to fade, but not the hurt
'Cause you don't know the good things from the bad

When I say that I want you
You know that I mean it
And in my hour of weakness
There's still time to try

But what if I need you baby
Would you even try to save me
Or would you find some lame excuse to never be true
What if I said I loved you
Would you be the one to run to
Or would you watch me walk away without a fight

Everytime I speak you try and stop me
'Cause every little thing I say is wrong
You say you're noticing, but you'll never see
This is who I really am but you can't relate
Makes me wanna know right now if it's me you'll live with out
Or would you change your mind?

What if I need you

But what if I need you baby
Would you even try to save me
Or would you find some lame excuse to never be true
What if I said I loved you
Would you be the one to run to
Or would you watch me walk away without a...

Oh baby what if I need you

Yeah, yeah

What if I need...
What if I need you

Oh what if I need you

If I need you, you you

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Why?

I don't know why I want to come back. It's illogical and it's an emotional decision on my part. Probably even delusional. After all, in all honesty, there is absolutely no reason for him not to have a new relationship now.

I should probably go die in a ditch somewhere for whatever future I expect for myself.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Illusions...

It's nice to hold on to illusions and make excuses for the things you cannot explain, but once truth is right in front of you and the world crashes down, it's hard not to get knocked down.

I hate you!!!

My Life Through a Haze

Maybe it's the contact lens. I hope it's the contact lens.

Last Sunday, before I boarded the bus to Manila, I bought a new pair of contact lens that I could sleep in. Basically, I could wear it for 6 consecutive days without taking them out.

Monday, February 22, 2010

So the recent events of my life...

I waited for Dan... And then... I waited for him to fulfill his promise...

And then I got really really really tired. I got so tired and disgusted with the relationship. It pissed me off. Ok, and I was getting tired of listening to my mother wax poetic on how guys shouldn't treat girls like that.

It's weird. Yes... I know. I probably would have had more patience if I were alone. However, I wasn't. And when people go over and over and over again over something they shouldn't talk about, you just want to tell them to shut up. Yell even...

And so I did it... Well... I did something I was getting pushed to do over and over again. It feels like hurtling off a cliff and I ended up so bruised and battered afterwards. I still don't feel all that well.

In plain words, I broke up with him and broke my own heart into a million little pieces.

I went back and asked him, if I take it back, would you take me back? I could see it in his eyes. Before he even said anything, it was already there. The no that hurt and pulled the plug out of me.

I'm alright and I can live well enough. It's like taking my heart out of my chest but that's ok. A lot of people live without hearts. I did that before. I can do it again. I don't have to cry. I just have to not feel.

Monday, February 15, 2010

sawi...