I went to Dan’s last Saturday. I asked him how easy it is to let go of 4 years. I begged him. I punched him. I told him to give me back my 4 years. He wanted to go but I wouldn’t let him.
Then Chasen Mae came. She was angry. I wanted to be angry too but it was more a feeling of despair. It was a feeling of intense loss. I wonder just how much she knows of the truth. I wonder how much she wants to believe the truth is.
I don’t particularly belong there anymore. It feels so bad to go to that place. I once entered that place knowing I was welcome. I know that I do not want to come in there anymore.
I don’t know what to do. I keep crying and crying and it’s not good for me. I don’t want to cry anymore.
My baby is mine and is not his.