Friday, September 14, 2012

I Dreamed a Dream

There was a time when men were kind,
And their voices were soft,
And their words inviting.
There was a time when love was blind,
And the world was a song,
And the song was exciting.
There was a time when it all went wrong...

I dreamed a dream in time gone by,
When hope was high and life, worth living.
I dreamed that love would never die,
I dreamed that God would be forgiving.
Then I was young and unafraid,
And dreams were made and used and wasted.
There was no ransom to be paid,
No song unsung, no wine, untasted.

But the tigers come at night,
With their voices soft as thunder,
As they tear your hope apart,
And they turn your dream to shame.

He slept a summer by my side,
He filled my days with endless wonder...
He took my childhood in his stride,
But he was gone when autumn came!

And still I dream he'll come to me,
That we will live the years together,
But there are dreams that cannot be,
And there are storms we cannot weather!

I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living,
So different now from what it seemed...
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed...

Sunday, February 12, 2012

On Regrets

I have quarreled with my husband once again today. In all fairness, when I look back on today, I know that I was in the wrong for some things. I very much admit so but I don't really want to reconcile.
I'm tired. I'm tired of being the one to come to him and say it hurts to be apart. Though people say pride can hurt you, perhaps, this time, I'd like to hold on to it. Or perhaps, after such an endless cycle, my heart is very much willing to give up on itself.
I know that today, I don't feel this need to say "Let's talk and make up." Perhaps the last few days have been too much. Perhaps I'm hurting from before. Perhaps perhaps perhaps.
Everyday, I tell myself, will I be willing to live with myself if tomorrow I die? I know that today I can. I can live with myself. I can say it's ok if we don't talk. I'm ok if he continues being how he is, silent and unfeeling, because if he is that unfeeling, then it's not my fault anymore. Have I not given enough love? Have I not given all I can? Have I not shared enough of my life? Is it not enough? Should I always have to give in?
Love is hard but it shouldn't be. Love should not be cold. Love should not be pushed. Love should be happy and warm and all the smiles in the world.
I give up. If today is the end, then let it end. I'm tired.

Friday, February 10, 2012

Sighs and frustrations

My husband frustrated me a lot today t the point that I cried so much I exhausted myself. I wish that I didn’t trust him so much that when things like this happen, I don’t feel so bad.

Monday, February 6, 2012

My Dose of Happiness

I’m happy because my husband got me 5 tops today. It’s not so much the fact that I got anything but that he made the effort to do so. He’s a really sweet guy.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

I tried to cut my nails earlier. My nailcutter broke instead. Ugh!