Tuesday, September 20, 2011

On being a husband and father

As a husband, I generally am content with JR, and there's a lot of points in our relationship that I can honestly say I'm happy. Maybe it's because I had a real jerk for an ex, that I can appreciate just how sweet, understanding and caring my husband is.
With the onset of having a child, however, I'm being my contrary self and finding him just a little uncaring to my child, at least compared to how I am. Point in fact, I can't bare to hear my baby cry. Maybe it's because he's a father and I'm a mother or am I wrong? So hard to second-guess anything right now. But really, I'm kind of hurt.

Monday, September 19, 2011

Giving birth and dealing with rashes

Time flies by when you're having fun or breastfeeding.

Giving birth wasn't easy. It's not something that you'll say isn't that bad at all. As far as I'm concerned, it hurt like hell and I was already drugged then. It kept hurting and hurting until you just can't take the pain anymore and you actually beg for more pain just so it'll end but you keep on thinking that nothing is working and though the pain is so consistently bad, there was no popping feeling at all. Or maybe because the popping happened during the super-drugged time already and everything fast-forwarded.

Thank goodness my baby is really cute. I'm not saying I'll love my baby any less if he isn't. I'm just hoping I won't be one of those parents who dote on their uncute children and keep on bragging about them and everyone wonders what the they're talking about. My baby is cute and there is absolutely no denying that fact. Yes, he can get pretty red and splotchy but once he calms down, he's just really really good-looking.

Nursing wasn't hard for me. Yes, the nipples got sore but with my pain tolerance, it was nothing at all. What was hard and embarrassing as well was that I had just too much breastmilk that it flowed out of me like I was going to feed 10 kids at once. And considering we were in a ward, everyone saw!!! Or at least lots and lots and lots of people saw. Grrr!!! And now I have a plugged duct, and I don't have a breast pump, not even a manual. What to do?

I know you're supposed to expect rashes on babies simply because they're so sensitive to everything. This was the reason I got my baby 3 types of organic baby balms, non-alcoholic products and non-sulfate, ptalate and whatchamacallit bath products, cloth diapers and mild laundry soap. This could have worked if I was the only one to handle baby but unfortunately, I didn't even launder the cloth diapers myself. This resulted in inflamed diaper rash that actually needed oral antibiotic. This made me want to cry. Antibiotic for my baby who isn't even a month old? How unfair!

I still can't get any sleep due to the fact that when baby sleeps outside the room in his playpen, I keep one eye open for his cries. When baby sleeps inside the room, all three of us can barely fit on the bed that it's so much easier just staying awake.

Ideally, baby should nurse for at least 15 minutes and then stay upright for another 15 minutes. With his tendency to cough a whole lot, he tends to throw up as well. So as to prevent this, I keep with the 15-minute rule. This of course should only take up 30 minutes every 3 hours or so. Baby Ren does not like to follow rules. He nurses for about 5 minutes, lets me keep him upright for 15 then nurses again. This sometimes goes for 2 hours. My back hurts!!!