Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Last day

Today is the last day I will say this. Just for today. Tomorrow is the 12th and tomorrow will be the end.


I love you. I miss you. I hate you. I need you. I want you but I don’t.


You’ve hurt me so much I’m not sure I’ll ever trust anyone else to love me again. I’ve loved you so much that I’ll never love anyone else that way again. Sometimes I wish I’ve never met you but I know in my heart that part of me is thankful for having met you. A lot of me is sad. A lot of me is hurt. And a lot of me is regretful. Part of me breathes easy every day, knowing I don’t have to hope anymore, hurt anymore, need anymore.


I didn’t cry for a while. I didn’t cry yesterday. I didn’t cry for the past two months. I gave up on that day, but perhaps, in truth, I gave up a long time ago.


I miss you but I know you’re not coming back. I miss you but I know you shouldn’t come back. I love you and I’ll always love you but loving you does not mean you have to be mine. And loving you does not have to mean I should be loved back too. Perhaps some loves, no matter how great they are, just aren’t meant to be. Perhaps some loves, no matter how true, just should not be.


I’m going to be a different me tomorrow. I’ll be softer, more open, more adventurous, less afraid and free. I’m going to be a me that no one owns. It’s a little sad but it’s also a happy thing. I can be someone else, maybe. I’ll be me.


I hate you but I love you and I have to let go and fly myself.

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