Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Purple edge heels for the win!!!

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_fOFxP48Cnf4/ScCDXpdNrII/AAAAAAAAAvQ/psf_CMg2xs8/s400/Keds-Spright-Wedge-Shoes.pngkeds-casual-friday.jpgKeds Bliss Skimmer Wedge - Free Overnight Shipping & Return Shipping: Endless.com
Summer fashion: Keds introduces its new spring-summer 2009 collection high-wedges-shoes Keds Bliss Wedge Keds - Wedges Keds - Wedges Keds - Wedges Womens Keds 'Dallas Skimmer' wedge shoe Womens Keds 'Dallas Peep' wedge shoe http://l3.zassets.com/images/746/7468718/10942-751474-p.jpg Maple syrup wedge black Keds Women's Dallas Skimmer Wedge Bliss purple leather




Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Get a diamond

http://silverringsinfo.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/silver-engagement-ring-300x214.jpg

 

Last year, when I was talking to my best friends about engagements and getting married, they were flabbergasted when I told them that I preferred diamond engagement rings. What is it with boys and the fact that they don’t understand just how important it is for a girl to get a real solid diamond engagement ring? Bleh!

I don’t necessarily want it over-the-top. Half a carat is fine but a quarter seems a little too small. It depends. I’ve never had one on my finger but a good size that shines brightly is good. Princess cut. Tiffany setting. As long as it sparkles...

Monday, October 18, 2010

Icky icky floodwaters

http://static.zoovy.com/img/barefoottess/W265-H210-Bffffff/B/bftblueboot001.jpghttp://static.zoovy.com/img/barefoottess/W265-H210-Bffffff/B/bftflowerboot001.jpghttp://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41ajLJE-fjL.jpg

I’m thinking of getting rain boots for the oncoming rainy months. The floods at my place really icks me out. They’re too darned yucky considering how I know they pass through the market’s trash. And the big rats running around at night don’t help either.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

I certainly didn't buy the bag to stuff you in it

Louis Vuitton Monogram Denim Sunshine Baghttp://3.bp.blogspot.com/_KX_UxOpNW4Q/SeS0vJJY_9I/AAAAAAAAAEs/s1Y52mAxptg/s320/petit-noe.jpghttp://popularbrandsonline.com/uploads/AULV101-Louis_Vuitton_Damier_Azur_Berkeley.jpgLouis Vuitton Monogram Multicolore Speedy 30 M92643

 

Behold the LV bags. No... I didn’t buy any of them nor do I believe I’d ever buy any of them in my lifetime. Getting one would be akin to my winning a lottery ticket. However, the ones on top are on my list of wants, in the wishlist in the official LV international site.

 

What is it with Louis Vuitton bags? Is it the brand name? The prestige? Is it the smell? I wouldn’t know. I haven’t gotten near one to smell them. But they sure bring to mind a feeling of luxury and yes, richness.

 

There are lots of fakes going round of these bags. I certainly am not into going around and buying a fake one. I’d rather buy a locally branded leather bag or a used one. Buying a fake conjures images of bringing your oh-so-expensive fake LV to the airport and ending up with no bag when you get out. Ugh! They do love to do that in some countries. No bloody way.

 

I don’t think I’ll ever say I need an LV, a Prada, a Gucci or an Hermes. But I want one. Not a monogram canvas speedy 30, no. But certainly a monogram denim sunshine. I want one to use daily, to stuff with, to throw around, regardless of how much it costs. After all, why buy an expensive brand if it’s not worth it enough to stand wear and tear?

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Lookbook.nu

I’ve joined the bandwagon. It’s really cool to find stuff other people wear. There are obviously some that I don’t really get but some of them are just so cute and I sometimes wish that I could layer the way they do but it’s just so hot in the Phil that I just stay envious.

Friday, October 8, 2010

Lace up booties

This blog would be so much more successful if I were to include pics in my post... However, I am eternally lazy... I will try though... Hehe!!! Not like I’m making money out of my blog.

 

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_2L55FT8z8Z4/SxR_56ryY-I/AAAAAAAAExk/Ex58J154MX4/s400/hooooot+shoes.jpg[michael+kors+lace+up+booties.jpg] Velvet Angels Taupe Snafu Lace-Up Booties

I love lace-up booties. A year or so into working, I came across a pair of to-die-for lace-up booties. Not the ones pictured above, of course. They were worth a leg and an arm, at least for me, but I so wanted them. They were peep-toe Italian leather booties and so sweat to my feet and were at 50% off at the now-dead portion of Glorietta. I wanted them but alas, it was not to be as I was still a peon, (I still am though I am now earning a little bit more). At one time that I finally was able to buy them, I ended up not doing so because they were already gone.

 

Hopefully, whoever was able to buy that lovely pair is loving them as much as I would have loved them if they were my own. And maybe someday, I’ll bite the next time a lovely pair graces my way and to hell with eating.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

I found my lipstick

It was under my office table. Boo!!!

 

Maybelline Water Shine Collagen Shimmer in C33...

Heels on Wedges

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_fOFxP48Cnf4/ScCDXpdNrII/AAAAAAAAAvQ/psf_CMg2xs8/s400/Keds-Spright-Wedge-Shoes.png

 

Last Sunday, I walked around in Wedge heels all day, as expected of heels, my feet felt like hell. However, I will still forgive my wedge as it was a hellishly long day that ended nowhere but the grocery store and home.

 

I’m still in love with my brown suede wedge heels. And I’ve used it at the office today. Thankfully, I’m sitting and thus need not complain about the unusual height. I still want the red canvass, the blue denim and the black cracked fake leather. And the pink and purple too if possible. *meow*

 

I’m hoping they lower the price even more for this though as the line has been discontinued already. I also hope that I catch all the ones I want before they completely take it off the shelves as they are easier on my feet and they are all so pretty on me.

 

Size 5 or 5 and 1/5 please!!!

Eating lipstick

I don’t like lip gloss. Lip balm is great and lipstick, a necessary color addition but lip gloss is gross. Or maybe because I don’t buy high-end lip gloss so I wouldn’t know how lip gloss is supposed to feel. Whatever! I don’t care. Too much lip gloss is bad bad bad!!! And why buy high-end lipgloss anyway? It makes your lips shiny and eating greasy food makes your lips shiny too.

 

I love Maybelline lipsticks. I’ve been using Maybelline lipsticks since forever. Maybe because it’s the cheapest L’Oreal brand around. Or maybe because I just love the hydration. The thing is, I keep forgetting the darn things and/or finishing them off within a month. I end up giving them away to family and then find myself with none.

 

And today, my burning question is... Where the heck is my new lippie!?! I know I wore it yesterday and was using and reusing it yesterday but I seem to have forgotten it at home again. Ugh!!!

I want a travel mug and I want it now!!!

www.gocontigo.com/

 

But I won’t be buying any mugs soon. Someday I will. Hopefully on Christmas or in January. Reasons for the plan so is kind of obvious.

 

I went to MOA last weekend with Jere to celebrate/mooch. As this was Jere and there was a mall-wide sale, we went to Hobbes and Landes. I fell in lust over the Contigo Spillproof mugs. They were actually kind of expensive at $3k+ but they were in sets of 2’s, 3’s and 4’s, the 4’s being for kids and were in bright colors. I figure, I buy the set of 4 and give the other 3 as Christmas gifts. That would be cool.

Friday, September 17, 2010

New make-up envy

All my high-heeled shoes broke up on me last last week... Or was that last last week? Considering how I was already out of moolah by then (overspending ugh), I only planned on buying shoes this week, now that I’ve gotten my money from the bank. *sigh* So much for working for the bank.

So I went to the shoe store and got really crazy wanting the Keds Wedge Shoes because I tried them on last week, when I was still poor and homeless, and I lusted over 4 pairs that were on clearance sale. I actually wanted to buy the 4 pairs (and a Fila --- also on sale---, and another pair of shoes whose China brand I can’t remember and a spanking new pair of 3-inch bling booties), but I looked at the calendar and realized I’ll be spending on my father’s one-year death anniversary in a month and a half so I really can’t afford double purchases, much less quadruple/multiple ones. So I figured I can make do without the Fila for a while, quietly getting fat as I go... I was going to use the Fila for running/jogging/exercising. And the China brand, I’ll buy once there’s an actual need for it. It looked liked really comfy walking shoes that could pass for sneakers. The bling booties I can make do without. I only want them for a possible purchase of the damn skinny jeans. Please note that yes, I do own a pair of straight jeans but no skinny ones for me. Not that I do not have the legs for it. I have a mighty good set of stems, thank you very much, as my facebook page can attest. It’s just that the skinny jeans are for skinny people and I do not think people should buy such an obvious vanity pair that would go out of style so easily. Boot cuts are my thing, grrr!!!
So on and on I went and so I just bought one pair of the wedge heels. I really liked the red pair because they were more comfortable but it’s harder to pair red with outfits I own, so I went with brown suede, which look darling. I think I’ll buy another wedge on my next pay day and another one on the next if they are still available. They’re clearance and darling so I might not have much luck but here’s to hoping.

With a purchase of only one pair of shoes, I was congratulating myself and considering how I actually do need some lipstick and my Maybelline BB cream was almost out. I should not have stopped by the Covergirl portion. I hit pan with my blush a while ago and was contemplating buying a new one and when I saw the TruBlend Microminerals, I was saying I wasn’t buying any but I did!!! I did!!! And it looked so good on me but now I’m wanting the Finishing Veil and the other blush and the concealer and a lot of other stuff. You are your own worst enemy, right? Tsk tsk tsk!!! I am so disappointed in myself. And yes, I ended up buying the BB cream and lipstick but thankfully Maybelline is like a really cheap brand.

The ipod nano watch

http://techielobang.com/blog/2010/09/16/incipio-introduces-linq-the-ipod-nano-watch-casing-with-strap/

 

Yes!!! I want one... Badly... Ok, not so bad that I’m going to chuck everything and go to the store to buy one now. Of course not. But if a kind soul would be kind enough as to give me one, I’d be ever so grateful. Hehe!!! Oh well... Might as well get a speaker for my touch first. Grrr!!!

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Lemons not used as lemonade

Weird... I was feeling very bad about some pimples that appeared lately and then I keep forgetting to go get a facial. Well... Truthfully, it’s not so much that I forgot to get a facial, it’s more like I’m more into spending the time with my bf more than anything else. So with that tendency of mine to prioritize the wrong thing, the two pimples I had increased in size dramatically and an additional 2 more has popped up on my “heat” week. Grr!!! So unfair! So when my bf bought a bunch of lemons as we were going home, I sliced one and slathered it on my face, waited a minute or so and then washed it off with usual facial cleanser. My pimples actually shrank a little bit. I’ll try it again today. Hope it disappears...

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Shoe envy

The rain is ruining all of my shoes. I totally need like 4 new pairs at the minimum but I’ll settle for 2. Of course, I won’t buy any but it’s nice to dream, right? The thought of high-heeled glam boots just makes me want to cry for the fact that I can’t afford it but I so want it. I’m going to have to get all my darned shoes fixed. But give me a chance at any of the below and I’m so grabbing them.

 

http://img.wolverineworldwide.com/is/image/bulk/cat1/2010/1/26/HPW-W502267-012210.tif?op_usm=0.5,1&wid=325&hei=325&qlt=90&fmt=jpeg

 

http://img.wolverineworldwide.com/is/image/bulk/cat1/2008/8/7/HPW-W500445-08.psd.fpx?op_usm=0.5,1&wid=325&hei=325&qlt=90&fmt=jpeg

 

http://kcp.imageg.net/graphics/product_images/pKCP-8094393v275.jpg

 

http://kcp.imageg.net/graphics/product_images/pKCP-6740831v275.jpg

 

http://kcp.imageg.net/graphics/product_images/pKCP-7385814v275.jpg

 

http://kcp.imageg.net/graphics/product_images/pKCP-8326003v275.jpg

 

http://kcp.imageg.net/graphics/product_images/pKCP-7013688v275.jpg

Monday, September 6, 2010

Skin care... Why am I complaining?

I’m 26 years old but I look younger than my 20-year old boyfriend. That basically says a lot but I know I’m being so so bad to my skin right now I should be shot. Or something. I definitely need skin pampering to the extreme. Ok, I need a major facial and then moisturize, moisturize, moisturize. Tsk tsk tsk!!!

Off to VMV again this weekend. I might as well make them pop these pimps on my face instead of doing it myself. I’d rather not get them to darken and then cry in my little corner because of my own stupidness. And a little bit of extra time in the morning to dry my hair definitely makes my skin thank me. Of course, my boyfriend tends to give me hell over the hair loss I’ve been having over it (in his mind). Just to make it clear, it’s because of my abnormal hormones from my abnormal thyroid that makes my hair this thin. Also, I had a really bad hair job a year ago or so that still stops me from getting some straightening done as I’m not yet that sure I won’t go bald so I’m making do with frizzy-looking hair and trying to unfrizz it on my own.

Gotta get me some sugar from The Face Shop. Those pearl masks of theirs are just so good to me. I might as well buy some for my boyfriend as well. I don’t trust him not to touch his face after that intensive facial he had last Sunday. 5 days straight of facial masks, here I come.

Sparkles and showers after... Hehe!!!

I love...

I always say I blog most when I'm sad

I’m a writer but I’m not a very consistent writer. I tend to mostly write when I’m sad and feeling like the end of the world is right next door. I just tend to sit and soak in my private sunshine when I’m feeling a-ok.

Writing is my own personal barometer for happiness but it’s not necessarily something I tend to do only when I’m sad. Take today for example, with a total of four blog entries posted earlier, and I still have yet to rave over VMV facials, new make-up finds, shoes and techie stuff... I hope I get some time to write them.

By the way, just to say this, I’m not blogging right now because I’m sad. I’m just feeling like it. And kudos to AJ to my recent quiet pause in blog world. XOXO!!!

Mine

Oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh

You were in college, working part-time, waiting tables
Left a small town and never looked back
I was a flight risk, afraid of fallin'
Wondering why we bother with love, if it never lasts

I say, "Can you believe it?"
As we're lyin' on the couch
The moment, I can see it
Yes, yes, I can see it now

Do you remember, we were sittin' there, by the water?
You put your arm around me for the fist time
You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter
You are the best thing that's ever been mine

Flash forward, and we're takin' on the world together
And there's a drawer of my things at your place
You learn my secrets and figure out why I'm guarded
You say we'll never make my parents' mistakes

But we got bills to pay
We got nothin' figured out
When it was hard to take
Yes, yes

This is what I thought about:

Do you remember, we were sittin' there, by the water?
You put your arm around me for the fist time
You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter
You are the best thing that's ever been mine

Do you remember all the city lights on the water?
You saw me start to believe for the first time
You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter
You are the best thing that's ever been mine

Oh, oh, oh, oh

And I remember that fight, two-thirty AM
You said everything was slipping right out of our hands
I ran out, crying, and you followed me out into the street

Braced myself for the goodbye, cause that's all I've ever known
Then, you took me by surprise
You said, "I'll never leave you alone."

You said, "I remember how we felt, sitting by the water.
And every time I look at you, it's like the first time.
I fell in love with a careless man's careful daughter.
She is the best thing that's ever been mine."

You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter
You are the best thing that's ever been mine

Do you believe it?
We're gonna make it now
And I can see it

I can see it now

M. Monroe

http://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/82952.Marilyn_Monroe

 

I do believe Ms Monroe was a very smart woman underestimated because of how she looks. Yes, in the end, she may or may not have ended her own life, but even if she did, I hope she thought long and hard about it.

I like that my best friends are men...

"This life is what you make it. No matter what, you're going to mess up sometimes, it's a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you're going to mess it up. Girls will be your friends - they'll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, some go. The ones that stay with you through everything - they're your true best friends. Don't let go of them. Also remember, sisters make the best friends in the world. As for lovers, well, they'll come and go too. And babe, I hate to say it, most of them - actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can't give up because if you give up, you'll never find your soul mate. You'll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. Just because you fail once, doesn't mean you're gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don't, then who will, sweetie? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life's a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about."
Marilyn Monroe

Whales

I love my Baleno sleeveless tops. Absolutely adore them. They look great over other tops, not bunching up and not making me look fat either. It’s also great under blazers and cover-ups. I do so hate wearing a too-thick top under my blazers, considering the weather and my tendency to feel too hot, or maybe it’s just because the aircon at this office is so much less cooler compared to my old ones. I certainly feel comfy in plain tees here, as long as I cover up my gams with thick pants. So back to my Whalies, I love them even just by their lonesome. They’re definitely a great buy and I’ll continue buying them up in the next months.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Birthdays past and too many things too fast...

I went to Naga City for a week for my birthday and I found out a lot of things. Some things I’d rather not know. Some things I need to know.

It was quite something to get the stuff I got for my birthday. And even till now, there are so many stuff that comes my way that I’m not quite sure that I truly deserve them.

How do I start this? On the night I went back? I was supposed to go by Friday but I can’t remember why I went back Saturday instead. I was so tired on that Friday night rushing everything that could be rushed.

On Saturday, I think I spent it alone. I couldn’t get anyone to come over and play. Tsk! And it tired me out too. I was both excited and dreaded being in Naga City.

I guess I did not write about my semi-birthday party yet. Which I should. Which I will. And which throws this entry way out of order but then, when have I ever made sense, even to myself?

I’ve decided to “celebrate” on the Thursday before my birthday. At my usual haunt of Padi’s Point, I invited anyone who could be invited from the old to not so old days. It was fun. Sometimes, you wonder who sincerely likes you and you find out in various ways. This is one of them. My best friends came thankfully. And my Accenture friends came as well… They stayed for a while, until about 10 or so. My best friends and I stayed and drank and laughed. It was fun to see them talking to each other again. It’s like seeing two lovers returning to each other’s arms. I’m glad.

I fairly got drunk and wanted to dance. As the both of them did not want to, I went inside and danced by myself. That was fairly good fun. It’s fun to get accosted by so many and knowing you can say no. It’s fun to dance by yourself and get surrounded by people. It’s fun to dance with girls and it’s fun when they try to mess you up when you know they’re just probably as messed up deep inside.

Every time I danced, the haze of the drink would go and I’d get tired and I’d go back to my friends outside, waiting, talking between themselves… And it made me happy to see the both of them talking like that, sharing things I can never share… Guy stuff… Or stuff that simply has to do with their lives that does not touch me. I do not mind, really. I know I’m selfish, but I’d rather that they have what is between the two of them, and I have their friendship. I love them, and I hope they also love me as much.

There was Alex… Such a cute guy who tried to have me for himself that night, waiting outside for me. So cute and yet probably just as young. Boys just aren’t cute when they become men. He was warm…

And there was another and another and another who danced with me and around me that night, whirling like the alcohol that just wouldn’t stay put... The alcoholic haze always passes… One glass stays half an hour to an hour and then is gone… So I drink another and another… Till it was time to go…

As there were some boys who seemed to want me to go home with them, I asked my friends to take me home, to take the edge of that particular danger off…

We passed a convenience store and drank some milk tea and water and stayed a few more hours before it was really time to go home… Dusk… A time of parting…

And then there was Friday and it was busy… And I wasn’t able to get to the bus station on time… I don’t think I went to the bus station at all. I was just so tired.

I let Saturday come and went on a bus to Naga City…

Monday I met up with random biker guy… Hahahaha!!! You could say that… It was fun to wear something pretty. I wanted to look really really pretty and I think I did. There was an incident though. I forgot my money and was stranded in a furniture shop. Thank goodness pretty girls are always welcome anywhere. I called him up, sat there and waited. He did come and pick me up and we just talked. If there is nothing else to say about him, he’s always been a fun guy who’s always respected the boundaries I ask him to keep.

And met up with old chat friend… I should be typing this in my other blog. I just might. It seems it has no place in this too public blog where hidden eyes might see. He forgot the keys inside his car when we went inside the mall to get his laptop fixed. He took me home.

What else? Oh! I found out that my ex has been in Manila for a while already. That upset me enough to make me want to drink and I did and thus, made stupid mistakes. Part of life? Grrr! Recklessness. I knew it was stupid.

I got myself a new brand of contacts.

I got a lot of stuff for my birthday. Aside of course from the Starbucks gift checks, the birthday card, the body butter and the death note my friends gave me. One friend gave me a really good deal on an Itouch. Which is way cool. And fate gave me a whole load. I got a pair of Audio Technica headphones for only P170+ and a pair of freshwater pearl earrings for P40+ and free glass frames for the contacts and hmnnn… Some stuff. I think that’s it but maybe more…

And I found someone… But that’s for the other blog, right?

There… For the moment… Going home now… Said too much… Ugh!

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Confusion for the moment gone

I haven't posted about the past two weeks but I'll update once I finish the draft... Just that I'm ok for the moment...

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Normal - Yeah right...

I’m happy enough to survive today in spite of the reruns of heartbreaking moments in my mind. Sometimes, I’d much rather appreciate if I had a simpler mind and my memories of certain times are not too clear as there are things I’d much rather forget. But then, I’m not made like that. Really, it’s easier to be normal rather than be like this.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

It hurts today but I'm ok

I wonder how bad it is to admit to myself the truth. No, I’ve long admitted this to myself. I love him. And that will always be forever. Whoever comes. Whoever goes. Whether we are together or not. Whether I am happy with him or without him. Whether I am sad. Whether I am angry. Whether I breathe or I do not, love is always there. It never changes. It never goes. It could be warped. It could be forgotten. It could even be selfish at its worst, but love is there.

There are things I want that I will never have. There are things I need that I will never ever hold.  I do not mind not having the things I want. I’ve never expected that of the world. But to be deprived of a need is harsh. It is torture of the greatest magnitude. It is not a life at all.

I am ok. Tonight, when I sleep, I will not be crying. Tomorrow, when I wake, I will even try to smile. But I dread the coming days. I always dread the coming days.

 

Saturday, May 15, 2010

I may be mentally ok but psychologically, I'm unsure on my state

I'm afraid everyday that I'm failing at being ok. I may say that I like my weight and size right now but I haven't worked on losing weight. I tried to maintain it when I noticed I was losing it too fast like a stone falling but it's not working. I'm still losing and though I force my body, it's not cooperating. When I force in too much, it forces itself out.
Part of me wonders if it would be ok if I can be better if I get the closure on the ruins of my past relationship, but then, logically, that's a very incorrect conclusion to make. My psyche is mine and no one else's. No matter how much I might want this to be someone else's problem, there is no denying the fact that it is my problem in the end.
I've got to get a handle on myself and truly move on, not just mentally and emotionally, but psychologically as well.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Disturbed

Sometimes, in life, time passes by and we convince ourselves that we are ok, that everything is just fine, even if it’s not. We let time make the memories fade and we make ourselves believe that the memories take the feelings away. But logic and emotions occupy two different sides of the brain and so, though we forget, our heart still keeps a beat in remembrance of the past that logically, should have faded away.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Last day

Today is the last day I will say this. Just for today. Tomorrow is the 12th and tomorrow will be the end.

 

I love you. I miss you. I hate you. I need you. I want you but I don’t.

 

You’ve hurt me so much I’m not sure I’ll ever trust anyone else to love me again. I’ve loved you so much that I’ll never love anyone else that way again. Sometimes I wish I’ve never met you but I know in my heart that part of me is thankful for having met you. A lot of me is sad. A lot of me is hurt. And a lot of me is regretful. Part of me breathes easy every day, knowing I don’t have to hope anymore, hurt anymore, need anymore.

 

I didn’t cry for a while. I didn’t cry yesterday. I didn’t cry for the past two months. I gave up on that day, but perhaps, in truth, I gave up a long time ago.

 

I miss you but I know you’re not coming back. I miss you but I know you shouldn’t come back. I love you and I’ll always love you but loving you does not mean you have to be mine. And loving you does not have to mean I should be loved back too. Perhaps some loves, no matter how great they are, just aren’t meant to be. Perhaps some loves, no matter how true, just should not be.

 

I’m going to be a different me tomorrow. I’ll be softer, more open, more adventurous, less afraid and free. I’m going to be a me that no one owns. It’s a little sad but it’s also a happy thing. I can be someone else, maybe. I’ll be me.

 

I hate you but I love you and I have to let go and fly myself.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Love is...

Yeah ladies and gentlemen Love is

Love is something that you say while looking in someone's eyes
Something you send to someone's heart
I hope we become like love too

Love is childish like a fairy tale,
But is still sweet like candy
I hope our love will last forever

You are beautiful to me, You are so beautiful to me
The way my heart is racing, I'm sure it's love
You are beautiful to me, You are so beautiful to me
An angel who has come down from the sky, is what I think you are

Your shortly cut hair, and your round two eyes
As pretty as a doll, you are my love

Love is the feeling of flying above the clouds
Something that's warm like sunlight
This feeling, I'm sure you can feel it too

Love can make me as cool as the main character of a cartoon
You too, are my very own princess

You are beautiful to me, You are so beautiful to me
I want to hold your beautiful hand forever
You are beautiful to me, You are so beautiful to me
Like a prince on a white stallion, I will watch over you

During these moments that I make with you
Like a dreaming child, I'm so delighted

Love is warm like a mom's embrace
Comfy like an easy sleep
Do you know? it's the reason why I met you

Love is naive like a child
And pure like an angel
To me too, it has come like this

Love is something that you say while looking in someone's eyes
Something you send to someone's heart
I hope we become like love too

Love is childish like a fairy tale,
But is still sweet like candy
Our love, forever

I hope our love will last forever

Thursday, May 6, 2010

:)

I want to say I’m ok without having to lie but I’m not. I’m worried about a lot of things right now they clog my brain. It must be why I didn’t sleep today.

I should settle this life I’m living. I should find closure for all these worries. I should stop wanting more than what I already have. I should be done. However, what should be done has never been what I truly do.

Smile and bear it. Ignore the bad thoughts. Just smile and bear it.

 

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

What do I do?

I want to be stronger than I am now. I've always felt that I was weak before. I have no idea how I've been able to get past all of my limits for the past years, the past months. There were so many times that it felt too much, that I feel like I've lost a lot, but then, days come when feelings fade and I step up once again. Something happens or someone becomes something more.
But then, this new situation confuses me on how to handle it. As I have always been weak in this. I do not know how to handle this. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do. I don't know how hard to push or if I should simply keep quiet. As much as I'd like to be selfish and cry with all my might for another loss that might or might not come, I cannot, for this is not about me. This is about someone else right now.
Bro, be strong and please please please tell me when it's hard and you'd like to cry. I promise to listen as always.

I Will... Forget You

Don't cry. Don't sit down. It could be a little difficult.
Saying its nothing, you could forget about it for a while.
She said, I don't care for a weak guy. No matter how handsome he is.
I like a strong person who can protect his girl.

# baby it’s now or never this time is right oh oh
Everything begans from this moment, oh oh
So that I won't get tired no matter how far I have to walk around,
Dear you, give me strenght. Feel so right.

One more time (one more time) One more time (one more time) Even if I fall again, one more time
You can do what you do. Shout out whenever you are tired.
I don't care for a weak guy. No matter how handsome he is.
I like a strong person who can protect his girl.

# REPEAT

EVERYONE GET UP. ITS NOW, oh oh
EVERYTHING BEGINS AGAIN TODAY, oh oh

baby it’s now or never this time is right oh oh
Nomatter how high of a place, I will climb up, oh oh
I might be late but I won't give up.
baby it’s now or never yeah~ feel so right (feel so right)

I will...forget you...

I will forget you. Starting today,
I don't know you. I have never seen you.
We never even walked pass eachother.
I'm okay. I forgot everything. I'm happy with my busy life.
I've met a great person too.

Love is always like this. It fades away after some time.
Can't even remember it, Oh.

# When love goes away, another love comes again. It definitely will.
Even if it hurts now, it will hear a little later.
It will forget. I will too.

It's not difficult. I will forget everything after today.
I'm just getting used to my changed life. Oh~ No.

Love is always like this. It fades away after some time.
Can't even remember it. Yes~

# REPEAT

I will erase everything.
I definitely will.

When love goes away, another love comes again. It definitely will.
Even if tears fall now, I will smile a little later.
I will (now) forget you (now). Just like a wound heals...
I will. I will. I will forget you.

Bokura no Sora

We vowed that day to spread our wings and fly to the other side of our dream
The seasons bathe into more of the light, Let's go and fly away

I gazed at the vapour trails and murmured, "How far will that go ? "
We have to go further and further away, you gave an invincible smile

During the neverending promise in the summer twilight
Recall our sky

1,2, step, draw your emotions that dance high in the sky
Gather the breeze, run away from the clouds and catch the sun
There are no worries, nothing to be afraid of, I'm always with you
I take you hand and start running to our sky
Let's go, my friend

We always have dreams we want to chase
We talked about it on the train tracks
Someday, they'll surely be granted right
And you gave a determined smile

How far does our depicted future go for ?
Don't ever forget our sky

1,2, step, draw your emotions that dance high in the sky
Gather the breeze, run away from the clouds and catch the sun
There are no worries, nothing to be afraid of, I'm always with you
I take you hand and start running to our sky
Let's go, my friend

We vowed that day to spread our wings and fly to the other side of our dream
The seasons bathe into more of the light, we gotta go to the world !

1,2, step, draw your emotions that dance high in the sky
Gather the breeze, run away from the clouds and catch the sun
There are no worries, nothing to be afraid of, I'm always with you
I take you hand and start running to our sky
Let's go, my friend
Let's go, my friend

Thursday, April 29, 2010

I'm going to start writing again

And I'm going to finish the book I've been meaning to finish. It entails a lot of research and a question of how evil can evil truly be and yet still be loved? Is evil capable of love? Well... I've got the plot down. I just need to write down the conversations. I don't necessarily have to make a frickin' great book on the first try, right? It's my first ever, anyway...

You've Got a Way

You've got a way with me
Somehow you got me to believe
In everything that I could be
I've gotta say-you really got a way
You've got a way it seems
You gave me faith to find my dreams
You'll never know just what that means
Can't you see... you got a way with me

It's in the way you want me
It's in the way you hold me
The way you show me just what love's made of
It's in the way we make love

You've got a way with words
You get me smiling even when it hurts
There's no way to measure what your love is worth
I can't believe the way you get through to me

It's in the way you want me
It's in the way you hold me
The way you show me just what love's made of
It's in the way we make love

Oh, how I adore you
Like no one before you
I love you just the way you are

It's in the way you want me
It's in the way you hold me
The way you show me just what love's made of
It's in the way we make love

It's just the way you are

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Whine and all that...

I’m tired. It’s almost 6 am and I’m still not yet finished. Story of my life, right? Damn it all!!!

 

Basically, I’m trying to find certain emails right now that I have to print for work, which is not normally something that makes a person want to cry, right? It makes a person gripe but not cry... Nosirree... However, my stupid email is filled with stupid stupid stuff that I did not get around to deleting, which I should have, by the way. I really should have. I would not be having such a big problem if

 

I don’t mind the luggage, books and all of his stuff at the hallway of my home. I’ve gotten used to them and are almost invisible to me. I don’t mind the stupid guitar and that stuffed toy we used to laugh about. I don’t mind them a whole lot anymore... At least not much considering how I come home and sleep and drone my life away.

 

What I mind is that at certain points in my life, I find stupid stuff like the emails we used to send to each other. Talk about mung beans and whether it’s round or not. What is up with these stupid one-liner conversations that make me simply want to cry? Argh argh and argh!!! Gripe gripe and whine!!!

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Damn!!!

I have a confession to make... Which is damning and bad and all that...
I'm not yet over my ex... Which is the worst possible thing that could be about me right now, because my ex has been over me for like half a year or so by now... Tsk!!! Sad sad sad and damning... and I'm in a terrible terrible mess because of it.
Not that I'm going to be all out crazy and stalk him or anything. Nor am I crying. Nor will I do anything or everything or whatever to get him back. Truth is, I won't. It's just that I can't seem to seriously consider any other guy right now and it's making me do crazy stuff and though I think there are actually some pretty funky guy out there for me, my psyche and my heart is just not ready.
Damn it!!! How do you get over being crazy in love? Not that I'm anywhere near crazy right now. I'm just comparing a whole lot of stuff and there are wants and needs that do not get filled. There are crevices that are left as cracks... Tsk tsk tsk!!! Bad bad and sad... I have got to do something about this.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

One bottle is ok...

After drinking on and off for a for a few weeks now, I think I’ve gotten a handle on one bottle. Or maybe it’s because I’ve been trying Red Horse for last month and San Mig Light is what’s being offered lately, so basically, it doesn’t impact me all that much. With 5-inch heels today, in spite of having drank a bit, I didn’t fall down the 2 blocks I walked back to the office. And there was a buzz for only 15 minutes or so... Of course, I know there might be some dead brain cells somewhere but if it kills the portions that makes me hear certain things when I’m all alone, then why not?

Hush Hush

Oooohh Yeah Oh Oh Oh

I never needed you to be strong,
I never needed you for pointing out my wrongs,
I never needed pain,
I never needed strain,
My love for you was strong enough you should have known,
I never needed you for judgments,
I never needed you to question what I spend,
I never asked for help,
I take care of myself,
I don't know why you think you've got a hold on me

And it's a little late for conversations,
There isn't anything for you to say,
And my eyes hurt, hands shiver,
So look at me, and listen to me..

(Because)
I don't want to stay another minute,
I don't want you to say a single word,
(Hush, hush, hush, hush)
There is no other way, I get the final say,
Because..
I don't want to do this any longer,
I don't want you, there's nothing left to say,
(Hush, hush, hush, hush)
I've already spoken, our love is broken,
Baby, hush, hush.

I never needed your corrections,
On everything, from how I act, to what I say,
I never needed words,
I never needed hurts,
I never needed you to be there every day,
I'm sorry for the way I let go,
Of everything I wanted when you came along
But I am never beaten, broken, not defeated,
I know that next to you is not where I belong,

And it's a little late for explanations,
There isn't anything that you can do,
And my eyes hurt, hands shiver,
So you will listen when I say..

I don't want to stay another minute,
I don't want you to say a single word,
(Hush, hush, hush, hush)
There is no other way, I get the final say,
Because..
I don't want to do this any longer,
I don't want you, there's nothing left to say,
(Hush, hush, hush, hush)
I've already spoken, our love is broken,
Baby, hush, hush.

No more words, no more lies, no more cryin',
Hmm Hmmmm
No more pain, no more hurt, no more tryin',
Ohh Ohh
Yeahhhhh!

(Because)
I don't want to stay another minute,
I don't want you to say a single word,
(Hush, hush, hush, hush)
There is no other way, I get the final say,
Because..
I don't want to do this any longer,
I don't want you, there's nothing left to say,
(Hush, hush, hush, hush)
I've already spoken, our love is broken,
Baby, hush, hush.

Yeahhhh Ohhh Ohhh Ohhh
(Hush, hush, hush, hush)
I've already spoken, our love is broken,
Baby..

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Ahhh...

I shouldn't have done that...

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Lazy Saturday

I got a little stinkin' drunk Saturday morning before I went home... It wasn't any fault of mine. Whenever a free drink is offered, and it's an office thing, take it, right? Hehe!!! It wasn't so bad. Red Horse still kicks a bigger punch than San Mig Light. I probably shouldn't have drank the vodka, though... One hour later, I was already sober and my tummy was protesting quite badly over the green tea frap I was drinking before the alchohol... Whipped cream is just not that easy to mix with other stuff, ne?
Woke up at 8 pm tonight... Felt like a vampire waking up after the sun went down... Still so hot around here lately... Maybe a fresh coat of paint or wallpaper would help... Note to self: Go to hardware store and ask...
Called Nanay up and chatted... She seems lonely... I'll see her next weekend. Better try to be good while there...
Went to the mall, saw a really cute outfit. I want it. If my leg scars fade sufficiently next month, I'll buy it for my birthday. If not, oh well... Wait for a sale?
Went to the bookstore. Found some really good books... Vampire novel, Ikemen manga and demon novel...
I think I'll read the Tale of Genji for this year. Last time I went classic, it was Sherlock Holmes. I hope it's good. Holmes was enjoyable, even to this day.
I'm searching for ebooks right now but I still like paperbacks best... I'll just check these for the moment...
Ate a chicken meal at a decent resto... I just realized I've stopped associating my ex with it automatically now. That's a good step.
I figure I might as well check the grocery store... I actually found some of the big mirrors I've been wanting for my place at a good decent price. I even found a tv stand at less than P1k... I think I'll start fixing up next month or the month after... No excuses for living in a sty, right?
Got myself a small pack of potato chips and some instant noodles. I know instant noodles is really bad and I can get cancer and all from it, but I figure, I might as well just not care if I live past 40 anyway. Not like I have much of a life lately so enjoy it while I can. I'm killing brain cells by drinking anyway, right?
Well... Got home and surfing the net... Will probably be on for a while more...

Friday, April 16, 2010

5 years

I've lived alone for almost 5 years already, ever since I've graduated from college and reviewed for the board exams. I've bought my own food and for 4 years, provided for myself. All in all, I should have a self-assured air around me by now, should I not? Why then do people still persist on taking care of me? Do I just seem that needy? Am I so careless in people's eyes? Am I asking for it unsubconsciously?

I wonder what to do...

There are certain things I can do just by myself and certain things I need someone else to do it with me... I wonder what I should do... The time isn't right to ask for help yet, right? Tsk!!! This is bad!!!

The thing is...

I don’t particularly feel drunk anymore...

Thursday, April 15, 2010

I'm not jealous... No I'm not...

Horoscope for today is:

 

You've never had a real problem dealing with that fine line between platonic and romantic relationships, though others certainly do. It's because you've never had to think twice about which side anyone happens to fall on -- not until recently, at least. You're not supposed to feel jealous when the people we're 'just friends' with show interest in someone else, right? Take time to think through your feelings.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Skirts that go fluff

http://sugardale.blogspot.com/2008/08/how-to-make-petticoat.html

 

I want a petticoat right now and I think I’ll try the instructions in this blog... Best one so far, right?

My conflict

It’s been more than 2 months already. There’s a weird conflict going round my brain right now. I feel like I’m trying so hard to make sure I’m having fun or I’m so busy that it’s so hard to think. I’m filling my life with ridiculous stuff and with things I don’t really need and I’m listening to different music that I don’t even have to think for myself. The feelings depend on the album for the moment... And when it’s OST, it goes up and down every 3 minutes or so.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Balance

Life is infinitely fair and the world as I see it tends to balance itself out.
This is why I believe in God. I never get everything I want. I do get the things I deserve. No amount of effort in my part would ever ever get me anywhere without deserving it in one way or another. And when I lose, I still would gain something in return... And such, this belief that everything will be all right in the end, no matter how painful anything may seem, keeps me sane.
I'm losing something again. I can feel it and I have no control over it. But I can see that there's another gain to be had already. Well... Time will tell.
I do not always get what I want. I will always get what I deserve.

State of self

I’m really lazy right now. It’s been 2 months, if you think things over. And it’s been one month for the unfortunate thing. All in all, I think I’m doing well.

Monday, April 12, 2010

El Bezo del Final

Hay, en mi corazon, una inquietud
Hoy te veo tan distante
Hay, algo que me aleja de tu amor
De repente tu cambiaste
Hoy, insegura estoy
El estar sin ti
Se que me hara sufrir

Anoche yo senti, que me besaste diferente
Y me quede, sin saber que hacer
Yo te conozco y se
Que algo no anda bien, ven dime la verdad
No quiero imaginar
Que fue el beso del final, ooh, ahh ooh

No, se por que ha cambiado tu actitud
Ojala que todo sea un error
No quiero comprobar que te perdi
Ni que nuestro amor se acabe
Oigo una voz, que se hunde en mi
Que me vuelve a repetir
Lo que no quiero oir

Anoche yo senti que me besaste diferente
Y me quede sin saber que hacer
Yo te conozco y se
Que algo no anda bien, ven dime la verdad
No quiero imaginar
Que fue el beso del final

Hoy, insegura estoy
El estar sin ti
Se que me hara sufrir
Ohhh...

Anoche yo sente que me besaste diferente
Y me quede(me quede) sin saber que hacer
(Sin saber que hacer)
Yo te conozco y se (y te conozco)
Que algo no anda bien (algo no, anda bien), ven dime la verdad
No quiero imaginar
Ahhh...ohhh...

Anoche yo sentm, que me besaste diferente
Y me quede sin saber qui hacer (ooh ohh)
Yo te conozco y se(se conozco bien)
Que algo no anda bien, ven dime la verdad
No quiero imaginar
Que fue el beso
Que fue el beso del final

Que fue el beso del final
Que fue el beso del final
Que fue el beso del final
Que fue el beso del final
Que fue el beso del final
Que fue el beso del final
Que fue el beso del final

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Komikon Summer de avance

UP Bahay ng Alumni, UP Diliman

10 am to 6 pm...

This cycle bloody sucks and I’m all green now!!!

 

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Damned week… I’m bloody well tired out…

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Slow Weekend

I promised not to drink this weekend and I didn't. I thought I'd go to the office this weekend. I didn't though. Tsk!!! I didn't sleep all that much either. The only good thing I did was rehydrate myself... Oh well... One step at a time in getting better.

Friday, April 2, 2010

Too much of something is not good...

I have way too much food right now... I ordered 2 rice meals and 2 burgers... Can I finish it all? Most probably not... I already gave 2 of the drinks away. Maybe I should have bought some bottled water instead...
I want sleep... I should sleep... I think I want a new shirt... Hehe!!!

I’m really really tired right now...

 

Insensitive

How do you cool your lips
After a summer’s kiss
How do you rid the sweat
After the body bliss
How do you turn your eyes
From the romantic glare
How do you block the sound
Of a voice you’d know anywhere

Oh, I really should have known
By the time you drove me home
By the vagueness in your eyes
Your casual good-byes
By the chill in your embrace
The expression on your face
That told me
Maybe You might have some advice to give
On how to be
Insensitive
Insensitive
Insensitive

How do you numb your skin
After the warmest touch
How do you slow your blood
After the body rush
How do you free your soul
After you’ve found a friend
How do you teach your heart
It’s a crime to fall in love again

Oh, you probably won’t remember me
It’s probably ancient history
I’m one of the chosen few
Who went ahead and fell for you
I’m out of hope, I’m out of touch
I fell too fast, I feel too much
I thought that you might have
Some advice to give on how to be
Insensitive
I really should have known
By the time you drove me home
By the vagueness in your eyes
Your casual good-byes
By the chill in your embrace
The expression on your face
That told me
Maybe You might have some advice to give
On how to be
Insensitive
Insensitive
Insensitive

Thursday, April 1, 2010

If I were to die tomorrow...

... no regrets, ok?

Beep beep beep goes the phone...

A forwarded message... A question... A favor... A greeting... A dangerous encounter... A plea... A plan... A new number saved... The list goes on... Just from yesterday...

I'm weird...

I do something because I want to do it. I never try to force myself because there's always merit in doing something, no matter how stupid or hard or whatever else it may be...

It’s Holy Thursday... I’m in the office. I’m waiting for the builds to get done. I’m afraid there might be something wrong that will happen. I sure hope not.

 

I’m getting messages from the cell... Hell! This is harsh...

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

RELAPSE!!!

Cold as You

You have a way of coming easily to me.
And when you take, you take the very best of me.
So I start a fight 'cause I need to feel somethin'
And you do what you want 'cause I'm not what you wanted.

(CHORUS)
Oh, what a shame.
What a rainy ending given to a perfect day.
Just walk away, no use defending words that you will never say.
And now that I'm sittin' here thinkin' it through, I've never been anywhere cold as you.

You put up walls and paint them all a shade of gray.
And I stood there lovin' you and WISHED them all away.
And you come away with a great little story of a mess of a dreamer with the nerve to adore you.

(CHORUS)
Oh, what a shame.
What a rainy ending given to a perfect day.
So just walk away, no use defending words that you will never say.
And now that I'm sittin' here thinkin' it through, I've never been anywhere cold as you.

You never did give a damn thing, honey.
But I cried, cried for you.
And I know you wouldn't have told nobody if I died, died for you.
(Died for you)

Oh, what a shame.
What a rainy ending give to a perfect day. Every smile you fake is so condescending.
Counted all the scars you made.
Now that I'm sittin here thinkin' it through, I've never been anywhere cold as you.

Monday, March 29, 2010

Mirrors and Purple glitter

Am I the girl I see in the mirror? My head is in such a haze but when I look in the mirror, I look ok. My make-up is low-key and simply pretty. My hair is up in a ponytail and not all over the place. I’m actually in a pretty white blouse, plain brown dress pants and my trusty flats. If I look far enough away, I don’t see the tears almost breaking out, the stupid confusion in my eyes and the almost pinched look on my lips. I look ok.

The dark purple fingernails feel weird for me all day. I miss the red almost-bloodlike tips. I miss sinking the tips of long nails on someone’s flesh. Ahhh... Well... I’ve cut them down to a sufficiently short length so as not to hurt anyone now.

I know that I’m being unfair right now and that I’m spiralling on a really bad place. I’m spinning this weave that I’m getting stuck on. It’s not like I want to get stuck. I just don’t know what else to do except spin it and spin it until I get dizzy and maybe lose a memory that hurts. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 and 9 threads being spun all at the same time. They’re all bound to get stupidly knotted in an impossible weave that will most likely get me stuck in a stupid trap.

Oh well... Life goes on.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

As of today

My freakin’ back hurts. My legs hurt. Yesterday, it was just the knees. Now my whole body feels bad. My face looks bloated and my eyes look dead. Tsk!!! Getting drunk really isn’t all that great these days. I think I need a whole dump of water.

I tried the dark violet nail polish. In fairness, it matches my blouse today. I don’t know how comfortable I am with the color though. I still like it better when it looks like blood is dripping off the edge of my nails.

I’m so tired. It’s the first day of the week. Why am I this tired already? Sleep is hard when one puts a lot of poison in one’s body. I need some sleep, a facial and a good massage.

Drunk and Insane

Well... So much for not drinking. We found the atm card. What were we supposed to do? Get stinking drunk then. Who gets drunk on two bottles? Not me. But the heels are hell on the feet. Really hellish. Oh damn!!! Note to self: Party shoes are not dancing shoes...
My poor feet.

Friday, March 26, 2010

Friday night

It’s a Friday night and I’m still at the office. I’d go out but I’d rather not do so alone. I don’t trust myself. I might end up drinking and burning myself up. There’d be no other reason or excuse except there’s a dead feeling inside and I don’t want to feel dead again.

I’d like to light a fire somewhere. Maybe take to the stage and sing a good song. Maybe dance my stupid lonely dance. I want to shout for something I don’t really understand. It’s another dead feeling. I hate this feeling.

I’m really ok. I think I’m ok. There’s nothing really wrong with me. I just don’t know.

Without You

I just wanna be alone tonight
I just wanna take a little breather
Cause lately all we do is fight
And every time it cuts me deeper

Cause something's changed
You've been acting so strange
And it's taking it's toll on me
It's safe to say that I'm ready to let you leave

Without you, I live it up a little more everyday
Without you, I'm seein myself so differently
I didn't wanna believe it then
But it all worked out in the end
When I watched you walk away
Well I never thought I'd say
I'm fine
Without you

Called you up cause' it's been long enough
And you said that you were so much better
We have done a lot of growing up
We were never meant to be together

Cause something changed, you were acting so strange
And it's taken it's toll on me
It's safe to say that I'm ready to let you leave

Without you, I live it up a little more everyday
Without you, I'm seein myself so differently
I didn't wanna believe it then
But it all worked out in the end
When I watched you walk away
Well I never thought I'd say
I'm fine
Without you

Cause something changed, you were acting so strange
And it's taken it's toll on me
It's safe to say that I'm ready to let you leave

Without you, I live it up a little more everyday
Without you, I'm seein myself so differently
I didn't wanna believe it then
But it all worked out in the end
When I watched you walk away
Well I never thought I'd say
I'm fine,
Without you
Without you
Without you
Without you
I just wanna be alone tonight,
I just wanna take a little breather.

I Miss You

Sha-la-la-la-la, sha-la-la-la-la
You used to call me your angel
Said I was sent straight down from heaven
You'd hold me close in your arms

I loved the way you felt so strong
I never wanted you to leave
I wanted you to stay here holding me

[CHORUS:]
I miss you
I miss your smile
And I still shed a tear
Every once in a while
And even though it's different now
You're still here somehow
My heart won't let you go
And I need you to know
I miss you, sha la la la la
I miss you

You used to call me your dreamer
And now I'm living out my dream
Oh how I wish you could see
Everything that's happening for me
I'm thinking back on the past
It's true that time is flying by too fast

[CHORUS]

I know you're in a better place, yeah
But I wish that I could see your face, oh
I know you're where you need to be
Even though it's not here with me

[CHORUS x2]

(I miss you)

Diamonds Aren't Forever

We will never sleep, 'cause sleep is for the weak
And we will never rest, 'til we're all fucking dead
We will never sleep, 'cause sleep is for the weak
And we will never rest, 'til we're all fucking dead

We will never sleep, 'cause sleep is for the weak
And we will never rest, 'til we're all fucking dead
We will never sleep, 'cause sleep is for the weak
And we will never rest, 'til we're all fucking...

We will never sleep, 'cause sleep is for the weak
And we will never rest, 'til we're all fucking dead
We will never sleep, 'cause sleep is for the weak
And we will never rest, 'til we're all fucking dead

I refuse! I refuse!
I refuse to close my eyes

I have loved, and I have lost
I have turned, and I have tossed
I have listened, and I have watched
I've gave into this for long enough
I have lost, and I have loved
Sleep has stolen far too much
So don't close your eyes, not just yet
Sleep is just a cousin of death

I've said it before, and I'll say it again
If you think you're alive then you're better off dead
I've said it before, and I'll say it again
If you think you're alive then you're better off...
I've said it before, and I'll say it again
If you think you're alive then you're better off dead
I've said it before, and I'll say it again
If you think you're alive then you're better off dead

I have loved, and I have lost
I have turned, and I have tossed
I have listened, and I have watched
I've gave into this for long enough
I have lost, and I have loved
Sleep has stolen far too much
So don't close your eyes, not just yet
Sleep is just a cousin of death

So throw your diamonds in the sky, we'll stay gold forever
So throw your diamonds in the sky, we'll stay gold forever

I can promise you one thing: death will take us all
I can promise you one thing: you will die alone

We're all going to Hell, we may as well go out in style
Death is a promise, and your life is a fucking lie

We will never sleep, 'cause sleep is for the weak
And we will never rest, 'til we're all fucking dead
We will never sleep, 'cause sleep is for the weak
And we will never rest, 'til we're all fucking dead

I refuse! I refuse!
I refuse to close my eyes

Hindi ko alam kung bakit pero nahihirapan ako dahil nami-miss ko talaga siya bigla.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

I think I’ll take a break from the game tomorrow. I’m too selfish to let something like this make me feel small.

I wonder if I’m ok with this?

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Get out of my head

w.I'm ok now. I know I'm doing a lot of stupid things but I'm ok now. Now please get out of my head.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Lions are tough to understand

I don’t like him that much. There’s a lot of reasons why he won’t understand me. There’s a lot of reason why I shouldn’t play this game with him. It’s not going to be easy. And I’m not going to lose so much more in this game than he ever will.

 

I’m choosing to play the game. I haven’t won yet. That’s the thing with it. I play to win and as long as I don’t win, I’m not going to stop. No matter how many times I lose, as long as in the end, I’m the one who wins, then I’ll quit.

 

It’s a draw right now. He didn’t win but I didn’t lose either. He could have but I did not give anything away yet. I lost something but I also gained something. Or maybe I already lost in the last round that matters. Who cares? I’m going to win because I always win.

 

I know that it’s both the truth and a lie when I say I’m ok. I’m always going to bear the scar but it’s not a wound for me anymore. It doesn’t hurt anymore and I hope it eventually fade.

 

 

Back to the market...

I don’t know how to handle guys. I wonder whether I should stop going online and texting back for a while just so I can breathe... Maybe I could stop texting back for a day. I wasn’t online for the weekend anyway, right? I could turn my phone off.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Tegomass no Ai

Love me!!! Love my idols!!! Hehee!!! I should tell these guys this and watch them run away... Oh well... I'm wearing dark nailpolish to show my goth side and they still think I'm sweet so I guess they don't get it yet. Maybe I should try drawing blood. Oh well... I'm figuring the wrist scars are bad enough. Tsk!!!
Tegomass are amazing!!! There are so many shows being added little by little that I'm starting to worry if Massu will be able to handle it. I sure hope so. Fight!!!
I want to watch!!!
Gutom na ako... Matutulog na ako...

lions over twins

The combination of a Leo man and Gemini woman can be as much fun as a barrel full of monkeys.  You're probably in the mood for a good time if you have been attracted to one another.  Geminis bring out the fun side of Leo.  The lion has the reputation for hogging all the attention, but in truth, a Leo is the perfect audience and enjoys being entertained by Gemini's tricks and turns.

How to Attract a Gemini Woman as a Leo Man:   If you're a Leo man who wants to attract the attention of a Gemini woman, get ready for some competition, and don't let it faze you.  Laugh and take delight in the silly things she says.  This lady is sharp as a tack and playing to an audience.  You'll have to be on your toes to keep up with her.  Try to add a little variety to your courtship style.  Don't be quite so steady and reliable.  If you have been calling her once a week for three weeks, and then skip a week, she probably won't even notice, and if she does, she'll appreciate your giving her some space.  Geminis are easily bored and want immediate gratification.  Stay away from promises about the future and adopt a show-me-now attitude.  She likes to be surprised.  In fact her whole life is one big surprise -- even to herself, so you can do things out of order.  Here's an insider tip:  Be nice to her siblings.  They mean a lot more to her than her parents and an alliance with them will pay off handsomely should you become seriously involved.

How to Attract a Leo Man as a Gemini Woman:  If you're a Gemini woman wanting to attract a Leo man, use your fairy-like precision to skirmish with him on the outskirts of desire.  Don't play dumb.  You know exactly what I mean.

Degree of Romance:   This can be one of the most delightful romances.  Right away they'll feel like they're falling into a romantic comedy.  Each of them has all the lines and moves memorized and will enjoy playing with another master.

Degree of Passion: Leo is a pretty passionate sign.  Gemini is cool and cerebral.  Gemini, try not to laugh at him as he comes on too strong sometimes.  He's overplaying the role.

Degree of Friendship:  These two can be great friends and buddies.  In fact sometimes it's hard for them to take the whole thing seriously enough.  For this reason, they may enjoy dating more than the commitment of marriage and childrearing.  It can be hard for this couple to grow up

in each other's presence.  It's just too much fun palling around together.

Degree of Marriage:  One problem with marriage between the Leo man and the Gemini woman is that Leo probably wants children a lot, and Gemini could care less.  If they find a common
purpose to marriage, it works well, because Gemini lightens Leo up, and Leo stabilizes Gemini.  Furthermore, their communication is likely to be quite good.  Leo men have a tendency to pout and withhold.  Gemini will just keep talking until he finally loosens up and joins the party.  A Gemini can tease anybody out of a sad mood.  They are magical that way.  Furthermore, together the Leo man and Gemini woman will be creative about life which allows them to respond positively to adversity.

Progression of Relationship:   Leo will have to be in control.  His pace may be a bit boring to the Gemini, who wants it all right now.  If they learn to compromise, they can get the best of both.  Leo is old-fashioned, likes to open doors, pay for the dinner, and stage a grand evening.  This can be a little boring to Gemini, but she is oddly vulnerable to flattery and will interpret these as flattering actions.

Sex:   The chemistry between a Gemini woman and a Leo male is great!  Leo is ardent and persistent, while Gemini provides the variety and the interest.  Their motto "Never a dull moment" applies most of all to the bedroom where they work out the majority of their problems by laughing at life together.  There is a feeling of eternal youth between these two which can extend an active sex life much longer than usual.

When It’s Over:  It's over if Leo ever puts his foot down … and he'll take it from there.  He will be especially boring about working out the details of the split.  She can be seen rolling her eyes to the ceiling while her foot taps impatiently on the floor.  She silently screams, "Let me out of here," and makes him play the bad guy.

archers over twins

Opposites attract and these two are no exception.  However, Gemini-Sagittarius is laughingly referred to as the schizophrenic-axis.  You know, multiple personalities, LOL.  They bring it out in each other and they enjoy it.  The Sagittarius man is likely to be utterly fascinated by the Gemini woman as he tries to straighten out her thinking (good luck) and she outwits him at every turn.  She has more rabbits to pull out of a hat than he can ever keep up with.  The Sagittarius man and Gemini woman will cover the spectrum of topics of interest and curiosity.  They are both exceedingly friendly and enjoy casual socializing.  Sagittarius helps Gemini relax, and Gemini helps Sagittarius over some of his rough social spots.  The connection between a Sagittarius man and a Gemini woman is essentially an intellectual one -- conversational and exploratory.  Their minds work in tandem keeping them both fascinated with what the other one is doing and saying.

How to Attract a Gemini Woman as a Sagittarius Man:   Well, you have to catch a Gemini woman with an open hand.  This mercurial lady is fast as quicksilver and she's bound to have many suitors besides you.  Consistency is a good ploy, but that's going to be quite a stretch for you, Sag.  One of your greatest assets is that you can talk circles around her and keep her spellbound that way.

How to Attract a Sagittarius Man as a Gemini Woman:  The direct approach works well if you're a Gemini woman trying to attract a Sagittarius man.  He's caught your curiosity so ask him a few burning questions.  You can be quite blunt.  Sagittarians have nothing to hide and they enjoy an open conversation immensely.  When you're with him, try to follow the rules --  don't use that handicap parking sticker your cousin got you, don't try and return stamps that you've licked, and don't tell him about your bounced checks.  Sagittarians are casual but they are very ethical.  Later on he will likely enjoy controlling, I mean reforming, you, but you might as well warm him up slowly to the task at hand.

Degree of Romance:    Try as she may, the Gemini gal will get very little from romance from this man.  He is much more likely to entertain her as Bozo the Clown than to put on the trappings of the Knight in Shining Armor.  Sorry, this just comes with the territory.

Degree of Passion:   Gemini has the way of bringing out the passion in Sagittarius.  Sagittarians are not by nature possessive or jealous.  The kind of passion referred to is a lust for life, a zest for sex, and an enthusiasm for enjoyment.

Degree of Friendship:  Sagittarius will find Gemini a little confining as a friend.  In fact both signs really prefer to travel solo through the social network.  Most Sagittarians think that other people are downers, which is true.  Most Geminis are tripping out on building an unmanageable ridiculous network of useless contacts that might someday, somehow, possibly come in handy.  Sagittarius would consider that an absolute waste of time.

Degree of Marriage:  This is a stretch for marriage, but opposites do attract in first marriages.  I would warn you, however, that if any two people in the world could drive each other crazy, it would be these two, the Gemini woman and Sagittarius man.  When it gets down to

the serious business of marriage -- that time when you stop traveling around the world every summer and strap on a real job -- they could find themselves at complete odds as to how to divvy up the responsibilities.  Sagittarius needs a partner who's grounded and responsible.  Gemini is constantly distracted and --I'm sorry, what was I saying??

Progression of Relationship:   The relationship will evolve in a circular manner.  Sagittarius will polarize into being the more responsible partner (believe it or not) and will try to pin Gemini down.  It's like pushing a jack-in-the-box back in the box.  Just when you think it's safe to put the lid down … boing!  boing!

Sex:   Sex between these two is like the fun house in the circus, or maybe even the freak house.  Gemini enjoys Sagittarius' uninhibited sexuality so much that it brings out the kinkiness in her, and God knows Sagittarius is game for anything.  With the Gemini woman and Sagittarius man, love-making is absolutely a moveable feast, a banquet of pleasures, with a different
delight du jour every encounter.  We vote these two the most likely to have sex in the backseat of the car, up against the minibar, in the lavatory in the airplane, and in the elevator.  Gemini will suggest doing it under the boss' desk.  Cheap thrill.

When It’s Over:  These two will probably talk about ending it endlessly, but in order to end it formally, somebody's got to be organized enough to sort papers.  Without some external intervention, such as a third party, it is not likely they will get around to doing anything about it for quite a while.  Both signs like to push responsibilities off on other people, feeling that they are "too busy" to handle it themselves, so they have a particular form of procrastination.  Furthermore, in this regard, you can't trust a thing Gemini says, so, Sag, you're gonna have to do it yourself to make sure it gets done.   The price of freedom.