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Showing posts from 2010

Get a diamond

  Last year, when I was talking to my best friends about engagements and getting married, they were flabbergasted when I told them that I preferred diamond engagement rings. What is it with boys and the fact that they don’t understand just how important it is for a girl to get a real solid diamond engagement ring? Bleh! I don’t necessarily want it over-the-top. Half a carat is fine but a quarter seems a little too small. It depends. I’ve never had one on my finger but a good size that shines brightly is good. Princess cut. Tiffany setting. As long as it sparkles...

Icky icky floodwaters

I’m thinking of getting rain boots for the oncoming rainy months. The floods at my place really icks me out. They’re too darned yucky considering how I know they pass through the market’s trash. And the big rats running around at night don’t help either.

I certainly didn't buy the bag to stuff you in it

  Behold the LV bags. No... I didn’t buy any of them nor do I believe I’d ever buy any of them in my lifetime. Getting one would be akin to my winning a lottery ticket. However, the ones on top are on my list of wants, in the wishlist in the official LV international site.   What is it with Louis Vuitton bags? Is it the brand name? The prestige? Is it the smell? I wouldn’t know. I haven’t gotten near one to smell them. But they sure bring to mind a feeling of luxury and yes, richness.   There are lots of fakes going round of these bags. I certainly am not into going around and buying a fake one. I’d rather buy a locally branded leather bag or a used one. Buying a fake conjures images of bringing your oh-so-expensive fake LV to the airport and ending up with no bag when you get out. Ugh! They do love to do that in some countries. No bloody way.   I don’t think I’ll ever say I need an LV, a Prada, a Gucci or an Hermes. But I want one. Not a monogram canvas speedy 30, no

Lookbook.nu

I’ve joined the bandwagon. It’s really cool to find stuff other people wear. There are obviously some that I don’t really get but some of them are just so cute and I sometimes wish that I could layer the way they do but it’s just so hot in the Phil that I just stay envious.

Lace up booties

This blog would be so much more successful if I were to include pics in my post... However, I am eternally lazy... I will try though... Hehe!!! Not like I’m making money out of my blog.   I love lace-up booties. A year or so into working, I came across a pair of to-die-for lace-up booties. Not the ones pictured above, of course. They were worth a leg and an arm, at least for me, but I so wanted them. They were peep-toe Italian leather booties and so sweat to my feet and were at 50% off at the now-dead portion of Glorietta. I wanted them but alas, it was not to be as I was still a peon, (I still am though I am now earning a little bit more). At one time that I finally was able to buy them, I ended up not doing so because they were already gone.   Hopefully, whoever was able to buy that lovely pair is loving them as much as I would have loved them if they were my own. And maybe someday, I’ll bite the next time a lovely pair graces my way and to hell with eating.

Heels on Wedges

https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUNLhkYCY3eBHBmmrnLOdcaOFIEUPsH4cAoajkHUUk0BEh6_uiKwJl1IVRGyu2cFvWgtmiONhxCakZ2uCCGlXI_UQOJyF6t8wYI62Lm3ZYEVgAKL0dJpMJuH19gkxYQUePWW27CwMCRis/s400/Keds-Spright-Wedge-Shoes.png   Last Sunday, I walked around in Wedge heels all day, as expected of heels, my feet felt like hell. However, I will still forgive my wedge as it was a hellishly long day that ended nowhere but the grocery store and home.   I’m still in love with my brown suede wedge heels. And I’ve used it at the office today. Thankfully, I’m sitting and thus need not complain about the unusual height. I still want the red canvass, the blue denim and the black cracked fake leather. And the pink and purple too if possible. * meow *   I’m hoping they lower the price even more for this though as the line has been discontinued already. I also hope that I catch all the ones I want before they completely take it off the shelves as they are easier on my feet and t

Eating lipstick

I don’t like lip gloss. Lip balm is great and lipstick, a necessary color addition but lip gloss is gross. Or maybe because I don’t buy high-end lip gloss so I wouldn’t know how lip gloss is supposed to feel. Whatever! I don’t care. Too much lip gloss is bad bad bad!!! And why buy high-end lipgloss anyway? It makes your lips shiny and eating greasy food makes your lips shiny too.   I love Maybelline lipsticks. I’ve been using Maybelline lipsticks since forever. Maybe because it’s the cheapest L’Oreal brand around. Or maybe because I just love the hydration. The thing is, I keep forgetting the darn things and/or finishing them off within a month. I end up giving them away to family and then find myself with none.   And today, my burning question is... Where the heck is my new lippie!?! I know I wore it yesterday and was using and reusing it yesterday but I seem to have forgotten it at home again. Ugh!!!

I want a travel mug and I want it now!!!

www.gocontigo.com/   But I won’t be buying any mugs soon. Someday I will. Hopefully on Christmas or in January. Reasons for the plan so is kind of obvious.   I went to MOA last weekend with Jere to celebrate/mooch. As this was Jere and there was a mall-wide sale, we went to Hobbes and Landes. I fell in lust over the Contigo Spillproof mugs. They were actually kind of expensive at $3k+ but they were in sets of 2’s, 3’s and 4’s, the 4’s being for kids and were in bright colors. I figure, I buy the set of 4 and give the other 3 as Christmas gifts. That would be cool.

New make-up envy

All my high-heeled shoes broke up on me last last week... Or was that last last week? Considering how I was already out of moolah by then (overspending ugh), I only planned on buying shoes this week, now that I’ve gotten my money from the bank. * sigh * So much for working for the bank. So I went to the shoe store and got really crazy wanting the Keds Wedge Shoes because I tried them on last week, when I was still poor and homeless, and I lusted over 4 pairs that were on clearance sale. I actually wanted to buy the 4 pairs (and a Fila --- also on sale---, and another pair of shoes whose China brand I can’t remember and a spanking new pair of 3-inch bling booties), but I looked at the calendar and realized I’ll be spending on my father’s one-year death anniversary in a month and a half so I really can’t afford double purchases, much less quadruple/multiple ones. So I figured I can make do without the Fila for a while, quietly getting fat as I go... I was going to use the Fila for ru

The ipod nano watch

http://techielobang.com/blog/2010/09/16/incipio-introduces-linq-the-ipod-nano-watch-casing-with-strap/   Yes!!! I want one... Badly... Ok, not so bad that I’m going to chuck everything and go to the store to buy one now. Of course not. But if a kind soul would be kind enough as to give me one, I’d be ever so grateful. Hehe!!! Oh well... Might as well get a speaker for my touch first. Grrr!!!

Lemons not used as lemonade

Weird... I was feeling very bad about some pimples that appeared lately and then I keep forgetting to go get a facial. Well... Truthfully, it’s not so much that I forgot to get a facial, it’s more like I’m more into spending the time with my bf more than anything else. So with that tendency of mine to prioritize the wrong thing, the two pimples I had increased in size dramatically and an additional 2 more has popped up on my “heat” week. Grr!!! So unfair! So when my bf bought a bunch of lemons as we were going home, I sliced one and slathered it on my face, waited a minute or so and then washed it off with usual facial cleanser. My pimples actually shrank a little bit. I’ll try it again today. Hope it disappears...

Shoe envy

The rain is ruining all of my shoes. I totally need like 4 new pairs at the minimum but I’ll settle for 2. Of course, I won’t buy any but it’s nice to dream, right? The thought of high-heeled glam boots just makes me want to cry for the fact that I can’t afford it but I so want it. I’m going to have to get all my darned shoes fixed. But give me a chance at any of the below and I’m so grabbing them.   http://img.wolverineworldwide.com/is/image/bulk/cat1/2010/1/26/HPW-W502267-012210.tif?op_usm=0.5,1&wid=325&hei=325&qlt=90&fmt=jpeg   http://img.wolverineworldwide.com/is/image/bulk/cat1/2008/8/7/HPW-W500445-08.psd.fpx?op_usm=0.5,1&wid=325&hei=325&qlt=90&fmt=jpeg   http://kcp.imageg.net/graphics/product_images/pKCP-8094393v275.jpg   http://kcp.imageg.net/graphics/product_images/pKCP-6740831v275.jpg   http://kcp.imageg.net/graphics/product_images/pKCP-7385814v275.jpg   http://kcp.imageg.net/graphics/product_images/pKCP-8326003v275.jpg

Skin care... Why am I complaining?

I’m 26 years old but I look younger than my 20-year old boyfriend. That basically says a lot but I know I’m being so so bad to my skin right now I should be shot. Or something. I definitely need skin pampering to the extreme. Ok, I need a major facial and then moisturize, moisturize, moisturize. Tsk tsk tsk!!! Off to VMV again this weekend. I might as well make them pop these pimps on my face instead of doing it myself. I’d rather not get them to darken and then cry in my little corner because of my own stupidness. And a little bit of extra time in the morning to dry my hair definitely makes my skin thank me. Of course, my boyfriend tends to give me hell over the hair loss I’ve been having over it (in his mind). Just to make it clear, it’s because of my abnormal hormones from my abnormal thyroid that makes my hair this thin. Also, I had a really bad hair job a year ago or so that still stops me from getting some straightening done as I’m not yet that sure I won’t go bald so I’m mak

I always say I blog most when I'm sad

I’m a writer but I’m not a very consistent writer. I tend to mostly write when I’m sad and feeling like the end of the world is right next door. I just tend to sit and soak in my private sunshine when I’m feeling a-ok. Writing is my own personal barometer for happiness but it’s not necessarily something I tend to do only when I’m sad. Take today for example, with a total of four blog entries posted earlier, and I still have yet to rave over VMV facials, new make-up finds, shoes and techie stuff... I hope I get some time to write them. By the way, just to say this, I’m not blogging right now because I’m sad. I’m just feeling like it. And kudos to AJ to my recent quiet pause in blog world. XOXO!!!

Mine

Oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh You were in college, working part-time, waiting tables Left a small town and never looked back I was a flight risk, afraid of fallin' Wondering why we bother with love, if it never lasts I say, "Can you believe it?" As we're lyin' on the couch The moment, I can see it Yes, yes, I can see it now Do you remember, we were sittin' there, by the water? You put your arm around me for the fist time You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter You are the best thing that's ever been mine Flash forward, and we're takin' on the world together And there's a drawer of my things at your place You learn my secrets and figure out why I'm guarded You say we'll never make my parents' mistakes But we got bills to pay We got nothin' figured out When it was hard to take Yes, yes This is what I thought about: Do you remember, we were sittin' there, by the water? You put your arm

M. Monroe

http://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/82952.Marilyn_Monroe   I do believe Ms Monroe was a very smart woman underestimated because of how she looks. Yes, in the end, she may or may not have ended her own life, but even if she did, I hope she thought long and hard about it.

I like that my best friends are men...

"This life is what you make it. No matter what, you're going to mess up sometimes, it's a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you're going to mess it up. Girls will be your friends - they'll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, some go. The ones that stay with you through everything - they're your true best friends. Don't let go of them. Also remember, sisters make the best friends in the world. As for lovers, well, they'll come and go too. And babe, I hate to say it, most of them - actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can't give up because if you give up, you'll never find your soul mate. You'll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. Just because you fail once, doesn't mean you're gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don't, then who will, sweetie? So k

Whales

I love my Baleno sleeveless tops. Absolutely adore them. They look great over other tops, not bunching up and not making me look fat either. It’s also great under blazers and cover-ups. I do so hate wearing a too-thick top under my blazers, considering the weather and my tendency to feel too hot, or maybe it’s just because the aircon at this office is so much less cooler compared to my old ones. I certainly feel comfy in plain tees here, as long as I cover up my gams with thick pants. So back to my Whalies, I love them even just by their lonesome. They’re definitely a great buy and I’ll continue buying them up in the next months.

Birthdays past and too many things too fast...

I went to Naga City for a week for my birthday and I found out a lot of things. Some things I’d rather not know. Some things I need to know. It was quite something to get the stuff I got for my birthday. And even till now, there are so many stuff that comes my way that I’m not quite sure that I truly deserve them. How do I start this? On the night I went back? I was supposed to go by Friday but I can’t remember why I went back Saturday instead. I was so tired on that Friday night rushing everything that could be rushed. On Saturday, I think I spent it alone. I couldn’t get anyone to come over and play. Tsk! And it tired me out too. I was both excited and dreaded being in Naga City. I guess I did not write about my semi-birthday party yet. Which I should. Which I will. And which throws this entry way out of order but then, when have I ever made sense, even to myself? I’ve decided to “celebrate” on the Thursday before my birthday. At my usual haunt of Padi’s Point, I invited

Normal - Yeah right...

I’m happy enough to survive today in spite of the reruns of heartbreaking moments in my mind. Sometimes, I’d much rather appreciate if I had a simpler mind and my memories of certain times are not too clear as there are things I’d much rather forget. But then, I’m not made like that. Really, it’s easier to be normal rather than be like this.

It hurts today but I'm ok

I wonder how bad it is to admit to myself the truth. No, I’ve long admitted this to myself. I love him. And that will always be forever. Whoever comes. Whoever goes. Whether we are together or not. Whether I am happy with him or without him. Whether I am sad. Whether I am angry. Whether I breathe or I do not, love is always there. It never changes. It never goes. It could be warped. It could be forgotten. It could even be selfish at its worst, but love is there. There are things I want that I will never have. There are things I need that I will never ever hold.  I do not mind not having the things I want. I’ve never expected that of the world. But to be deprived of a need is harsh. It is torture of the greatest magnitude. It is not a life at all. I am ok. Tonight, when I sleep, I will not be crying. Tomorrow, when I wake, I will even try to smile. But I dread the coming days. I always dread the coming days.  

I may be mentally ok but psychologically, I'm unsure on my state

I'm afraid everyday that I'm failing at being ok. I may say that I like my weight and size right now but I haven't worked on losing weight. I tried to maintain it when I noticed I was losing it too fast like a stone falling but it's not working. I'm still losing and though I force my body, it's not cooperating. When I force in too much, it forces itself out. Part of me wonders if it would be ok if I can be better if I get the closure on the ruins of my past relationship, but then, logically, that's a very incorrect conclusion to make. My psyche is mine and no one else's. No matter how much I might want this to be someone else's problem, there is no denying the fact that it is my problem in the end. I've got to get a handle on myself and truly move on, not just mentally and emotionally, but psychologically as well.

Disturbed

Sometimes, in life, time passes by and we convince ourselves that we are ok, that everything is just fine, even if it’s not. We let time make the memories fade and we make ourselves believe that the memories take the feelings away. But logic and emotions occupy two different sides of the brain and so, though we forget, our heart still keeps a beat in remembrance of the past that logically, should have faded away.

Last day

Today is the last day I will say this. Just for today. Tomorrow is the 12 th and tomorrow will be the end.   I love you. I miss you. I hate you. I need you. I want you but I don’t.   You’ve hurt me so much I’m not sure I’ll ever trust anyone else to love me again. I’ve loved you so much that I’ll never love anyone else that way again. Sometimes I wish I’ve never met you but I know in my heart that part of me is thankful for having met you. A lot of me is sad. A lot of me is hurt. And a lot of me is regretful. Part of me breathes easy every day, knowing I don’t have to hope anymore, hurt anymore, need anymore.   I didn’t cry for a while. I didn’t cry yesterday. I didn’t cry for the past two months. I gave up on that day, but perhaps, in truth, I gave up a long time ago.   I miss you but I know you’re not coming back. I miss you but I know you shouldn’t come back. I love you and I’ll always love you but loving you does not mean you have to be mine. And loving you does

Love is...

Yeah ladies and gentlemen Love is Love is something that you say while looking in someone's eyes Something you send to someone's heart I hope we become like love too Love is childish like a fairy tale, But is still sweet like candy I hope our love will last forever You are beautiful to me, You are so beautiful to me The way my heart is racing, I'm sure it's love You are beautiful to me, You are so beautiful to me An angel who has come down from the sky, is what I think you are Your shortly cut hair, and your round two eyes As pretty as a doll, you are my love Love is the feeling of flying above the clouds Something that's warm like sunlight This feeling, I'm sure you can feel it too Love can make me as cool as the main character of a cartoon You too, are my very own princess You are beautiful to me, You are so beautiful to me I want to hold your beautiful hand forever You are beautiful to me, You are so beautiful to me Like a prince on a white stallion, I will w

:)

I want to say I’m ok without having to lie but I’m not. I’m worried about a lot of things right now they clog my brain. It must be why I didn’t sleep today. I should settle this life I’m living. I should find closure for all these worries. I should stop wanting more than what I already have. I should be done. However, what should be done has never been what I truly do. Smile and bear it. Ignore the bad thoughts. Just smile and bear it.  

What do I do?

I want to be stronger than I am now. I've always felt that I was weak before. I have no idea how I've been able to get past all of my limits for the past years, the past months. There were so many times that it felt too much, that I feel like I've lost a lot, but then, days come when feelings fade and I step up once again. Something happens or someone becomes something more. But then, this new situation confuses me on how to handle it. As I have always been weak in this. I do not know how to handle this. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do. I don't know how hard to push or if I should simply keep quiet. As much as I'd like to be selfish and cry with all my might for another loss that might or might not come, I cannot, for this is not about me. This is about someone else right now. Bro, be strong and please please please tell me when it's hard and you'd like to cry. I promise to listen as always.

I Will... Forget You

Don't cry. Don't sit down. It could be a little difficult. Saying its nothing, you could forget about it for a while. She said, I don't care for a weak guy. No matter how handsome he is. I like a strong person who can protect his girl. # baby it’s now or never this time is right oh oh Everything begans from this moment, oh oh So that I won't get tired no matter how far I have to walk around, Dear you, give me strenght. Feel so right. One more time (one more time) One more time (one more time) Even if I fall again, one more time You can do what you do. Shout out whenever you are tired. I don't care for a weak guy. No matter how handsome he is. I like a strong person who can protect his girl. # REPEAT EVERYONE GET UP. ITS NOW, oh oh EVERYTHING BEGINS AGAIN TODAY, oh oh baby it’s now or never this time is right oh oh Nomatter how high of a place, I will climb up, oh oh I might be late but I won't give up. baby it’s now or never yeah~ feel so right (feel so right) I

Bokura no Sora

We vowed that day to spread our wings and fly to the other side of our dream The seasons bathe into more of the light, Let's go and fly away I gazed at the vapour trails and murmured, "How far will that go ? " We have to go further and further away, you gave an invincible smile During the neverending promise in the summer twilight Recall our sky 1,2, step, draw your emotions that dance high in the sky Gather the breeze, run away from the clouds and catch the sun There are no worries, nothing to be afraid of, I'm always with you I take you hand and start running to our sky Let's go, my friend We always have dreams we want to chase We talked about it on the train tracks Someday, they'll surely be granted right And you gave a determined smile How far does our depicted future go for ? Don't ever forget our sky 1,2, step, draw your emotions that dance high in the sky Gather the breeze, run away from the clouds and catch the sun There

I'm going to start writing again

And I'm going to finish the book I've been meaning to finish. It entails a lot of research and a question of how evil can evil truly be and yet still be loved? Is evil capable of love? Well... I've got the plot down. I just need to write down the conversations. I don't necessarily have to make a frickin' great book on the first try, right? It's my first ever, anyway...

You've Got a Way

You've got a way with me Somehow you got me to believe In everything that I could be I've gotta say-you really got a way You've got a way it seems You gave me faith to find my dreams You'll never know just what that means Can't you see... you got a way with me It's in the way you want me It's in the way you hold me The way you show me just what love's made of It's in the way we make love You've got a way with words You get me smiling even when it hurts There's no way to measure what your love is worth I can't believe the way you get through to me It's in the way you want me It's in the way you hold me The way you show me just what love's made of It's in the way we make love Oh, how I adore you Like no one before you I love you just the way you are It's in the way you want me It's in the way you hold me The way you show me just what love's made of It's in the way we make love It's just the way you are

Whine and all that...

I’m tired. It’s almost 6 am and I’m still not yet finished. Story of my life, right? Damn it all!!!   Basically, I’m trying to find certain emails right now that I have to print for work, which is not normally something that makes a person want to cry, right? It makes a person gripe but not cry... Nosirree... However, my stupid email is filled with stupid stupid stuff that I did not get around to deleting, which I should have, by the way. I really should have. I would not be having such a big problem if   I don’t mind the luggage, books and all of his stuff at the hallway of my home. I’ve gotten used to them and are almost invisible to me. I don’t mind the stupid guitar and that stuffed toy we used to laugh about. I don’t mind them a whole lot anymore... At least not much considering how I come home and sleep and drone my life away.   What I mind is that at certain points in my life, I find stupid stuff like the emails we used to send to each other. Talk about mung beans

Damn!!!

I have a confession to make... Which is damning and bad and all that... I'm not yet over my ex... Which is the worst possible thing that could be about me right now, because my ex has been over me for like half a year or so by now... Tsk!!! Sad sad sad and damning... and I'm in a terrible terrible mess because of it. Not that I'm going to be all out crazy and stalk him or anything. Nor am I crying. Nor will I do anything or everything or whatever to get him back. Truth is, I won't. It's just that I can't seem to seriously consider any other guy right now and it's making me do crazy stuff and though I think there are actually some pretty funky guy out there for me, my psyche and my heart is just not ready. Damn it!!! How do you get over being crazy in love? Not that I'm anywhere near crazy right now. I'm just comparing a whole lot of stuff and there are wants and needs that do not get filled. There are crevices that are left as cracks... Tsk tsk tsk!!

One bottle is ok...

After drinking on and off for a for a few weeks now, I think I’ve gotten a handle on one bottle. Or maybe it’s because I’ve been trying Red Horse for last month and San Mig Light is what’s being offered lately, so basically, it doesn’t impact me all that much. With 5-inch heels today, in spite of having drank a bit, I didn’t fall down the 2 blocks I walked back to the office. And there was a buzz for only 15 minutes or so... Of course, I know there might be some dead brain cells somewhere but if it kills the portions that makes me hear certain things when I’m all alone, then why not?

Hush Hush

Oooohh Yeah Oh Oh Oh I never needed you to be strong, I never needed you for pointing out my wrongs, I never needed pain, I never needed strain, My love for you was strong enough you should have known, I never needed you for judgments, I never needed you to question what I spend, I never asked for help, I take care of myself, I don't know why you think you've got a hold on me And it's a little late for conversations, There isn't anything for you to say, And my eyes hurt, hands shiver, So look at me, and listen to me.. (Because) I don't want to stay another minute, I don't want you to say a single word, (Hush, hush, hush, hush) There is no other way, I get the final say, Because.. I don't want to do this any longer, I don't want you, there's nothing left to say, (Hush, hush, hush, hush) I've already spoken, our love is broken, Baby, hush, hush. I never needed your corrections, On everything, from how I act, to what

Lazy Saturday

I got a little stinkin' drunk Saturday morning before I went home... It wasn't any fault of mine. Whenever a free drink is offered, and it's an office thing, take it, right? Hehe!!! It wasn't so bad. Red Horse still kicks a bigger punch than San Mig Light. I probably shouldn't have drank the vodka, though... One hour later, I was already sober and my tummy was protesting quite badly over the green tea frap I was drinking before the alchohol... Whipped cream is just not that easy to mix with other stuff, ne? Woke up at 8 pm tonight... Felt like a vampire waking up after the sun went down... Still so hot around here lately... Maybe a fresh coat of paint or wallpaper would help... Note to self: Go to hardware store and ask... Called Nanay up and chatted... She seems lonely... I'll see her next weekend. Better try to be good while there... Went to the mall, saw a really cute outfit. I want it. If my leg scars fade sufficiently next month, I'll buy it for my birt

5 years

I've lived alone for almost 5 years already, ever since I've graduated from college and reviewed for the board exams. I've bought my own food and for 4 years, provided for myself. All in all, I should have a self-assured air around me by now, should I not? Why then do people still persist on taking care of me? Do I just seem that needy? Am I so careless in people's eyes? Am I asking for it unsubconsciously?

I wonder what to do...

There are certain things I can do just by myself and certain things I need someone else to do it with me... I wonder what I should do... The time isn't right to ask for help yet, right? Tsk!!! This is bad!!!

I'm not jealous... No I'm not...

Horoscope for today is:   You've never had a real problem dealing with that fine line between platonic and romantic relationships, though others certainly do. It's because you've never had to think twice about which side anyone happens to fall on -- not until recently, at least. You're not supposed to feel jealous when the people we're 'just friends' with show interest in someone else, right? Take time to think through your feelings.

My conflict

It’s been more than 2 months already. There’s a weird conflict going round my brain right now. I feel like I’m trying so hard to make sure I’m having fun or I’m so busy that it’s so hard to think. I’m filling my life with ridiculous stuff and with things I don’t really need and I’m listening to different music that I don’t even have to think for myself. The feelings depend on the album for the moment... And when it’s OST, it goes up and down every 3 minutes or so.

Balance

Life is infinitely fair and the world as I see it tends to balance itself out. This is why I believe in God. I never get everything I want. I do get the things I deserve. No amount of effort in my part would ever ever get me anywhere without deserving it in one way or another. And when I lose, I still would gain something in return... And such, this belief that everything will be all right in the end, no matter how painful anything may seem, keeps me sane. I'm losing something again. I can feel it and I have no control over it. But I can see that there's another gain to be had already. Well... Time will tell. I do not always get what I want. I will always get what I deserve.

State of self

I’m really lazy right now. It’s been 2 months, if you think things over. And it’s been one month for the unfortunate thing. All in all, I think I’m doing well.

El Bezo del Final

Hay, en mi corazon, una inquietud Hoy te veo tan distante Hay, algo que me aleja de tu amor De repente tu cambiaste Hoy, insegura estoy El estar sin ti Se que me hara sufrir Anoche yo senti, que me besaste diferente Y me quede, sin saber que hacer Yo te conozco y se Que algo no anda bien, ven dime la verdad No quiero imaginar Que fue el beso del final, ooh, ahh ooh No, se por que ha cambiado tu actitud Ojala que todo sea un error No quiero comprobar que te perdi Ni que nuestro amor se acabe Oigo una voz, que se hunde en mi Que me vuelve a repetir Lo que no quiero oir Anoche yo senti que me besaste diferente Y me quede sin saber que hacer Yo te conozco y se Que algo no anda bien, ven dime la verdad No quiero imaginar Que fue el beso del final Hoy, insegura estoy El estar sin ti Se que me hara sufrir Ohhh... Anoche yo sente que me besaste diferente Y me quede(me quede) sin saber que hacer (Sin saber que hacer) Yo te conozco y se (y te conozco) Que

Slow Weekend

I promised not to drink this weekend and I didn't. I thought I'd go to the office this weekend. I didn't though. Tsk!!! I didn't sleep all that much either. The only good thing I did was rehydrate myself... Oh well... One step at a time in getting better.

Too much of something is not good...

I have way too much food right now... I ordered 2 rice meals and 2 burgers... Can I finish it all? Most probably not... I already gave 2 of the drinks away. Maybe I should have bought some bottled water instead... I want sleep... I should sleep... I think I want a new shirt... Hehe!!!

Insensitive

How do you cool your lips After a summer’s kiss How do you rid the sweat After the body bliss How do you turn your eyes From the romantic glare How do you block the sound Of a voice you’d know anywhere Oh, I really should have known By the time you drove me home By the vagueness in your eyes Your casual good-byes By the chill in your embrace The expression on your face That told me Maybe You might have some advice to give On how to be Insensitive Insensitive Insensitive How do you numb your skin After the warmest touch How do you slow your blood After the body rush How do you free your soul After you’ve found a friend How do you teach your heart It’s a crime to fall in love again Oh, you probably won’t remember me It’s probably ancient history I’m one of the chosen few Who went ahead and fell for you I’m out of hope, I’m out of touch I fell too fast, I feel too much I thought that you might have Some advice to give on how to be Insensitive I re

I'm weird...

I do something because I want to do it. I never try to force myself because there's always merit in doing something, no matter how stupid or hard or whatever else it may be...
It’s Holy Thursday... I’m in the office. I’m waiting for the builds to get done. I’m afraid there might be something wrong that will happen. I sure hope not.   I’m getting messages from the cell... Hell! This is harsh...

Cold as You

You have a way of coming easily to me. And when you take, you take the very best of me. So I start a fight 'cause I need to feel somethin' And you do what you want 'cause I'm not what you wanted. (CHORUS) Oh, what a shame. What a rainy ending given to a perfect day. Just walk away, no use defending words that you will never say. And now that I'm sittin' here thinkin' it through, I've never been anywhere cold as you. You put up walls and paint them all a shade of gray. And I stood there lovin' you and WISHED them all away. And you come away with a great little story of a mess of a dreamer with the nerve to adore you. (CHORUS) Oh, what a shame. What a rainy ending given to a perfect day. So just walk away, no use defending words that you will never say. And now that I'm sittin' here thinkin' it through, I've never been anywhere cold as you. You never did give a damn thing, honey. But I cried, cried for you. And

Mirrors and Purple glitter

Am I the girl I see in the mirror? My head is in such a haze but when I look in the mirror, I look ok. My make-up is low-key and simply pretty. My hair is up in a ponytail and not all over the place. I’m actually in a pretty white blouse, plain brown dress pants and my trusty flats. If I look far enough away, I don’t see the tears almost breaking out, the stupid confusion in my eyes and the almost pinched look on my lips. I look ok. The dark purple fingernails feel weird for me all day. I miss the red almost-bloodlike tips. I miss sinking the tips of long nails on someone’s flesh. Ahhh... Well... I’ve cut them down to a sufficiently short length so as not to hurt anyone now. I know that I’m being unfair right now and that I’m spiralling on a really bad place. I’m spinning this weave that I’m getting stuck on. It’s not like I want to get stuck. I just don’t know what else to do except spin it and spin it until I get dizzy and maybe lose a memory that hurts. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 and 9 t

As of today

My freakin’ back hurts. My legs hurt. Yesterday, it was just the knees. Now my whole body feels bad. My face looks bloated and my eyes look dead. Tsk!!! Getting drunk really isn’t all that great these days. I think I need a whole dump of water. I tried the dark violet nail polish. In fairness, it matches my blouse today. I don’t know how comfortable I am with the color though. I still like it better when it looks like blood is dripping off the edge of my nails. I’m so tired. It’s the first day of the week. Why am I this tired already? Sleep is hard when one puts a lot of poison in one’s body. I need some sleep, a facial and a good massage.

Drunk and Insane

Well... So much for not drinking. We found the atm card. What were we supposed to do? Get stinking drunk then. Who gets drunk on two bottles? Not me. But the heels are hell on the feet. Really hellish. Oh damn!!! Note to self: Party shoes are not dancing shoes... My poor feet.

Friday night

It’s a Friday night and I’m still at the office. I’d go out but I’d rather not do so alone. I don’t trust myself. I might end up drinking and burning myself up. There’d be no other reason or excuse except there’s a dead feeling inside and I don’t want to feel dead again. I’d like to light a fire somewhere. Maybe take to the stage and sing a good song. Maybe dance my stupid lonely dance. I want to shout for something I don’t really understand. It’s another dead feeling. I hate this feeling. I’m really ok. I think I’m ok. There’s nothing really wrong with me. I just don’t know.

Without You

I just wanna be alone tonight I just wanna take a little breather Cause lately all we do is fight And every time it cuts me deeper Cause something's changed You've been acting so strange And it's taking it's toll on me It's safe to say that I'm ready to let you leave Without you, I live it up a little more everyday Without you, I'm seein myself so differently I didn't wanna believe it then But it all worked out in the end When I watched you walk away Well I never thought I'd say I'm fine Without you Called you up cause' it's been long enough And you said that you were so much better We have done a lot of growing up We were never meant to be together Cause something changed, you were acting so strange And it's taken it's toll on me It's safe to say that I'm ready to let you leave Without you, I live it up a little more everyday Without you, I'm seein myself so differently I didn't wan

I Miss You

Sha-la-la-la-la, sha-la-la-la-la You used to call me your angel Said I was sent straight down from heaven You'd hold me close in your arms I loved the way you felt so strong I never wanted you to leave I wanted you to stay here holding me [CHORUS:] I miss you I miss your smile And I still shed a tear Every once in a while And even though it's different now You're still here somehow My heart won't let you go And I need you to know I miss you, sha la la la la I miss you You used to call me your dreamer And now I'm living out my dream Oh how I wish you could see Everything that's happening for me I'm thinking back on the past It's true that time is flying by too fast [CHORUS] I know you're in a better place, yeah But I wish that I could see your face, oh I know you're where you need to be Even though it's not here with me [CHORUS x2] (I miss you)

Diamonds Aren't Forever

We will never sleep, 'cause sleep is for the weak And we will never rest, 'til we're all fucking dead We will never sleep, 'cause sleep is for the weak And we will never rest, 'til we're all fucking dead We will never sleep, 'cause sleep is for the weak And we will never rest, 'til we're all fucking dead We will never sleep, 'cause sleep is for the weak And we will never rest, 'til we're all fucking... We will never sleep, 'cause sleep is for the weak And we will never rest, 'til we're all fucking dead We will never sleep, 'cause sleep is for the weak And we will never rest, 'til we're all fucking dead I refuse! I refuse! I refuse to close my eyes I have loved, and I have lost I have turned, and I have tossed I have listened, and I have watched I've gave into this for long enough I have lost, and I have loved Sleep has stolen far too much So don't close your eyes, not just yet Sle
I think I’ll take a break from the game tomorrow. I’m too selfish to let something like this make me feel small.

Lions are tough to understand

I don’t like him that much. There’s a lot of reasons why he won’t understand me. There’s a lot of reason why I shouldn’t play this game with him. It’s not going to be easy. And I’m not going to lose so much more in this game than he ever will.   I’m choosing to play the game. I haven’t won yet. That’s the thing with it. I play to win and as long as I don’t win, I’m not going to stop. No matter how many times I lose, as long as in the end, I’m the one who wins, then I’ll quit.   It’s a draw right now. He didn’t win but I didn’t lose either. He could have but I did not give anything away yet. I lost something but I also gained something. Or maybe I already lost in the last round that matters. Who cares? I’m going to win because I always win.   I know that it’s both the truth and a lie when I say I’m ok. I’m always going to bear the scar but it’s not a wound for me anymore. It doesn’t hurt anymore and I hope it eventually fade.    

Back to the market...

I don’t know how to handle guys. I wonder whether I should stop going online and texting back for a while just so I can breathe... Maybe I could stop texting back for a day. I wasn’t online for the weekend anyway, right? I could turn my phone off.

Tegomass no Ai

Love me!!! Love my idols!!! Hehee!!! I should tell these guys this and watch them run away... Oh well... I'm wearing dark nailpolish to show my goth side and they still think I'm sweet so I guess they don't get it yet. Maybe I should try drawing blood. Oh well... I'm figuring the wrist scars are bad enough. Tsk!!! Tegomass are amazing!!! There are so many shows being added little by little that I'm starting to worry if Massu will be able to handle it. I sure hope so. Fight!!! I want to watch!!!

lions over twins

The combination of a Leo man and Gemini woman can be as much fun as a barrel full of monkeys.  You're probably in the mood for a good time if you have been attracted to one another.  Geminis bring out the fun side of Leo.  The lion has the reputation for hogging all the attention, but in truth, a Leo is the perfect audience and enjoys being entertained by Gemini's tricks and turns. How to Attract a Gemini Woman as a Leo Man:   If you're a Leo man who wants to attract the attention of a Gemini woman, get ready for some competition, and don't let it faze you.  Laugh and take delight in the silly things she says.  This lady is sharp as a tack and playing to an audience.  You'll have to be on your toes to keep up with her.  Try to add a little variety to your courtship style.  Don't be quite so steady and reliable.  If you have been calling her once a week for three weeks, and then skip a week, she probably won't even notice, and if she does, she'll app

archers over twins

Opposites attract and these two are no exception.  However, Gemini-Sagittarius is laughingly referred to as the schizophrenic-axis.  You know, multiple personalities, LOL.  They bring it out in each other and they enjoy it.  The Sagittarius man is likely to be utterly fascinated by the Gemini woman as he tries to straighten out her thinking (good luck) and she outwits him at every turn.  She has more rabbits to pull out of a hat than he can ever keep up with.  The Sagittarius man and Gemini woman will cover the spectrum of topics of interest and curiosity.  They are both exceedingly friendly and enjoy casual socializing.  Sagittarius helps Gemini relax, and Gemini helps Sagittarius over some of his rough social spots.  The connection between a Sagittarius man and a Gemini woman is essentially an intellectual one -- conversational and exploratory.  Their minds work in tandem keeping them both fascinated with what the other one is doing and saying. How to Attract a Gemini Woman as a