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Showing posts from 2011

Life is confusing

I'm glad JR is back but it's starting to feel confusing again. He's getting obnoxious, which I don't like and I hope he either gets over it before I start getting fed up. Ugh! JR obviously wants my mother gone. Nanay obviously is willing to go so that JR would be happy with our life. I'm not willing to give up my mother. This is hard!!!

On separation

Whenever I listen to you, it seems that even paper flowers have a fragrance. I remember the night we met. It almost seems so long ago with so many things happening between us and yet it was only a year and a half. June 5, 2011.  It was close to midnight, I guess. You changed my life then. I was so low and so broken. I wanted to feel something from the emptiness inside me and you came along, with that big smile, that twinkle in your eyes, that confidence daring the world to take you apart. I was not impressed but I was broken enough not to care because simply, I wanted someone to touch me and keep me warm. You took the chance and told me you loved me then and there. I thought you were full of yourself but I let you be you and let you touch me. We spent the day after together. I still remember Chowking and what I ordered. And when you left me in the morning after, I felt just a little less broken. Little by little, I was mended and was stronger and one day, a month after, I actu

On being a husband and father

As a husband, I generally am content with JR, and there's a lot of points in our relationship that I can honestly say I'm happy. Maybe it's because I had a real jerk for an ex, that I can appreciate just how sweet, understanding and caring my husband is. With the onset of having a child, however, I'm being my contrary self and finding him just a little uncaring to my child, at least compared to how I am. Point in fact, I can't bare to hear my baby cry. Maybe it's because he's a father and I'm a mother or am I wrong? So hard to second-guess anything right now. But really, I'm kind of hurt.

Giving birth and dealing with rashes

Time flies by when you're having fun or breastfeeding. Giving birth wasn't easy. It's not something that you'll say isn't that bad at all. As far as I'm concerned, it hurt like hell and I was already drugged then. It kept hurting and hurting until you just can't take the pain anymore and you actually beg for more pain just so it'll end but you keep on thinking that nothing is working and though the pain is so consistently bad, there was no popping feeling at all. Or maybe because the popping happened during the super-drugged time already and everything fast-forwarded. Thank goodness my baby is really cute. I'm not saying I'll love my baby any less if he isn't. I'm just hoping I won't be one of those parents who dote on their uncute children and keep on bragging about them and everyone wonders what the they're talking about. My baby is cute and there is absolutely no denying that fact. Yes, he can get pretty red and splotchy but on

Birthday past

The get-together has finally passed on the 24th. It was a hectic day considering that I slept at about 6 am but there was a knock on the door at about 8 am for the drippy shower. I really wish they thought of doing that some other day or have told us that they were at least coming. Being so unprepared and tired really made me cranky. Jer came pretty much on time so I was really sleepy. He fixed a bit of the computer lag and we were able to pass the time with that and my half-dead murmurings. Mando came at about 6 pm, blaming me about his sleepiness but then he did go on leave just to attend so that was pretty sweet of him. Jaja came at about the time it was raining buckets and they were stranded for awhile at the corner store. They finally braved the rain. I should remember to ask for the short pants once I'm able to wear it again. She brought me a really good blouse. I really like it. JR woke about 8 pm when I started acting up considering how he was passed out all throughout my b

Secret Wish

My dirty little secret is that I want to get married, in church, Catholic, in a beautiful white gown and my closest friends in attendance. Now I'll never have any of that, except of course, probably for my best friends attending. Hopefully next month. What if the baby pops out before then? But to the point, I won't get a Catholic wedding because I don't have a Catholic groom. Not that I'm complaining about his faith, mind you. We both pray and believe in God and all that. We've agreed to disagree about the religion thing and aren't pushing it. And I won't be getting that beautiful white gown because I'm hugely pregnant and would look like a big white ship in it and we really won't be able to afford something like that. But that's my secret and I won't tell. I wonder whether getting something else I do want and can afford would land me in a heap of trouble. Maybe it's the Shopaholic books making me want to buy something or my birthday comi

Falling in love and staying in love...

I'm almost 7 months pregnant now. Not yet but almost. It's a little weird but it's also fun. When I said yes to JR last July, I didn't really expect our relationship to last. We didn't have a lot of things in common and we still don't have a whole lot. I love pizza and pasta with just oil in it is delicious for me but he likes spaghetti only and hates cheese. Should I really trust anyone who dislikes cheese? All joking aside, it's hard to imagine the two of us having much of a relationship after about 6 months. When people ask why we're together, I always say it's his persistence. And it's the truth, if one really thinks about it. I'm not the type of person who would fall into a relationship after a month of knowing a guy, especially considering how he's 6 years younger than me, all too convinced that he's a gift to all womankind and yet I did. He kept repeating over and over that I was in love with him. I wasn't. Not really. I wa

Almost 27

It's been some time since I've posted anything. I got over being depressed and then clamped up because I got pregnant and I wasn't sure how to post about it. I'm going to be a mother at 27 which is weird but thankfully, all results are positive. I hope the baby's a boy. It would be nice to have a girl but I really want a boy as the eldest. Easier to handle things that way. JR is cute as always, very very sweet, if always so self-motivated. Ok, weird word to use. But he's as sweet as ever, in spite of my ever-growing belly. It's my birthday next week. I feel a little sad over the fact that I've gotten to this age without doing some of the stuff I thought I'd be doing but I don't mind a whole lot. I want to give myself something for my birthday. I'm selfish that way. I've thought things over and over and went window shopping yesterday around Cubao. I do so want a new laptop and phone and cam and stuff but I have a feeling JR will go have a