Thursday, April 29, 2010

I'm going to start writing again

And I'm going to finish the book I've been meaning to finish. It entails a lot of research and a question of how evil can evil truly be and yet still be loved? Is evil capable of love? Well... I've got the plot down. I just need to write down the conversations. I don't necessarily have to make a frickin' great book on the first try, right? It's my first ever, anyway...

You've Got a Way

You've got a way with me
Somehow you got me to believe
In everything that I could be
I've gotta say-you really got a way
You've got a way it seems
You gave me faith to find my dreams
You'll never know just what that means
Can't you see... you got a way with me

It's in the way you want me
It's in the way you hold me
The way you show me just what love's made of
It's in the way we make love

You've got a way with words
You get me smiling even when it hurts
There's no way to measure what your love is worth
I can't believe the way you get through to me

It's in the way you want me
It's in the way you hold me
The way you show me just what love's made of
It's in the way we make love

Oh, how I adore you
Like no one before you
I love you just the way you are

It's in the way you want me
It's in the way you hold me
The way you show me just what love's made of
It's in the way we make love

It's just the way you are

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Whine and all that...

I’m tired. It’s almost 6 am and I’m still not yet finished. Story of my life, right? Damn it all!!!

 

Basically, I’m trying to find certain emails right now that I have to print for work, which is not normally something that makes a person want to cry, right? It makes a person gripe but not cry... Nosirree... However, my stupid email is filled with stupid stupid stuff that I did not get around to deleting, which I should have, by the way. I really should have. I would not be having such a big problem if

 

I don’t mind the luggage, books and all of his stuff at the hallway of my home. I’ve gotten used to them and are almost invisible to me. I don’t mind the stupid guitar and that stuffed toy we used to laugh about. I don’t mind them a whole lot anymore... At least not much considering how I come home and sleep and drone my life away.

 

What I mind is that at certain points in my life, I find stupid stuff like the emails we used to send to each other. Talk about mung beans and whether it’s round or not. What is up with these stupid one-liner conversations that make me simply want to cry? Argh argh and argh!!! Gripe gripe and whine!!!

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Damn!!!

I have a confession to make... Which is damning and bad and all that...
I'm not yet over my ex... Which is the worst possible thing that could be about me right now, because my ex has been over me for like half a year or so by now... Tsk!!! Sad sad sad and damning... and I'm in a terrible terrible mess because of it.
Not that I'm going to be all out crazy and stalk him or anything. Nor am I crying. Nor will I do anything or everything or whatever to get him back. Truth is, I won't. It's just that I can't seem to seriously consider any other guy right now and it's making me do crazy stuff and though I think there are actually some pretty funky guy out there for me, my psyche and my heart is just not ready.
Damn it!!! How do you get over being crazy in love? Not that I'm anywhere near crazy right now. I'm just comparing a whole lot of stuff and there are wants and needs that do not get filled. There are crevices that are left as cracks... Tsk tsk tsk!!! Bad bad and sad... I have got to do something about this.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

One bottle is ok...

After drinking on and off for a for a few weeks now, I think I’ve gotten a handle on one bottle. Or maybe it’s because I’ve been trying Red Horse for last month and San Mig Light is what’s being offered lately, so basically, it doesn’t impact me all that much. With 5-inch heels today, in spite of having drank a bit, I didn’t fall down the 2 blocks I walked back to the office. And there was a buzz for only 15 minutes or so... Of course, I know there might be some dead brain cells somewhere but if it kills the portions that makes me hear certain things when I’m all alone, then why not?

Hush Hush

Oooohh Yeah Oh Oh Oh

I never needed you to be strong,
I never needed you for pointing out my wrongs,
I never needed pain,
I never needed strain,
My love for you was strong enough you should have known,
I never needed you for judgments,
I never needed you to question what I spend,
I never asked for help,
I take care of myself,
I don't know why you think you've got a hold on me

And it's a little late for conversations,
There isn't anything for you to say,
And my eyes hurt, hands shiver,
So look at me, and listen to me..

(Because)
I don't want to stay another minute,
I don't want you to say a single word,
(Hush, hush, hush, hush)
There is no other way, I get the final say,
Because..
I don't want to do this any longer,
I don't want you, there's nothing left to say,
(Hush, hush, hush, hush)
I've already spoken, our love is broken,
Baby, hush, hush.

I never needed your corrections,
On everything, from how I act, to what I say,
I never needed words,
I never needed hurts,
I never needed you to be there every day,
I'm sorry for the way I let go,
Of everything I wanted when you came along
But I am never beaten, broken, not defeated,
I know that next to you is not where I belong,

And it's a little late for explanations,
There isn't anything that you can do,
And my eyes hurt, hands shiver,
So you will listen when I say..

I don't want to stay another minute,
I don't want you to say a single word,
(Hush, hush, hush, hush)
There is no other way, I get the final say,
Because..
I don't want to do this any longer,
I don't want you, there's nothing left to say,
(Hush, hush, hush, hush)
I've already spoken, our love is broken,
Baby, hush, hush.

No more words, no more lies, no more cryin',
Hmm Hmmmm
No more pain, no more hurt, no more tryin',
Ohh Ohh
Yeahhhhh!

(Because)
I don't want to stay another minute,
I don't want you to say a single word,
(Hush, hush, hush, hush)
There is no other way, I get the final say,
Because..
I don't want to do this any longer,
I don't want you, there's nothing left to say,
(Hush, hush, hush, hush)
I've already spoken, our love is broken,
Baby, hush, hush.

Yeahhhh Ohhh Ohhh Ohhh
(Hush, hush, hush, hush)
I've already spoken, our love is broken,
Baby..

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Ahhh...

I shouldn't have done that...

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Lazy Saturday

I got a little stinkin' drunk Saturday morning before I went home... It wasn't any fault of mine. Whenever a free drink is offered, and it's an office thing, take it, right? Hehe!!! It wasn't so bad. Red Horse still kicks a bigger punch than San Mig Light. I probably shouldn't have drank the vodka, though... One hour later, I was already sober and my tummy was protesting quite badly over the green tea frap I was drinking before the alchohol... Whipped cream is just not that easy to mix with other stuff, ne?
Woke up at 8 pm tonight... Felt like a vampire waking up after the sun went down... Still so hot around here lately... Maybe a fresh coat of paint or wallpaper would help... Note to self: Go to hardware store and ask...
Called Nanay up and chatted... She seems lonely... I'll see her next weekend. Better try to be good while there...
Went to the mall, saw a really cute outfit. I want it. If my leg scars fade sufficiently next month, I'll buy it for my birthday. If not, oh well... Wait for a sale?
Went to the bookstore. Found some really good books... Vampire novel, Ikemen manga and demon novel...
I think I'll read the Tale of Genji for this year. Last time I went classic, it was Sherlock Holmes. I hope it's good. Holmes was enjoyable, even to this day.
I'm searching for ebooks right now but I still like paperbacks best... I'll just check these for the moment...
Ate a chicken meal at a decent resto... I just realized I've stopped associating my ex with it automatically now. That's a good step.
I figure I might as well check the grocery store... I actually found some of the big mirrors I've been wanting for my place at a good decent price. I even found a tv stand at less than P1k... I think I'll start fixing up next month or the month after... No excuses for living in a sty, right?
Got myself a small pack of potato chips and some instant noodles. I know instant noodles is really bad and I can get cancer and all from it, but I figure, I might as well just not care if I live past 40 anyway. Not like I have much of a life lately so enjoy it while I can. I'm killing brain cells by drinking anyway, right?
Well... Got home and surfing the net... Will probably be on for a while more...

Friday, April 16, 2010

5 years

I've lived alone for almost 5 years already, ever since I've graduated from college and reviewed for the board exams. I've bought my own food and for 4 years, provided for myself. All in all, I should have a self-assured air around me by now, should I not? Why then do people still persist on taking care of me? Do I just seem that needy? Am I so careless in people's eyes? Am I asking for it unsubconsciously?

I wonder what to do...

There are certain things I can do just by myself and certain things I need someone else to do it with me... I wonder what I should do... The time isn't right to ask for help yet, right? Tsk!!! This is bad!!!

The thing is...

I don’t particularly feel drunk anymore...

Thursday, April 15, 2010

I'm not jealous... No I'm not...

Horoscope for today is:

 

You've never had a real problem dealing with that fine line between platonic and romantic relationships, though others certainly do. It's because you've never had to think twice about which side anyone happens to fall on -- not until recently, at least. You're not supposed to feel jealous when the people we're 'just friends' with show interest in someone else, right? Take time to think through your feelings.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Skirts that go fluff

http://sugardale.blogspot.com/2008/08/how-to-make-petticoat.html

 

I want a petticoat right now and I think I’ll try the instructions in this blog... Best one so far, right?

My conflict

It’s been more than 2 months already. There’s a weird conflict going round my brain right now. I feel like I’m trying so hard to make sure I’m having fun or I’m so busy that it’s so hard to think. I’m filling my life with ridiculous stuff and with things I don’t really need and I’m listening to different music that I don’t even have to think for myself. The feelings depend on the album for the moment... And when it’s OST, it goes up and down every 3 minutes or so.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Balance

Life is infinitely fair and the world as I see it tends to balance itself out.
This is why I believe in God. I never get everything I want. I do get the things I deserve. No amount of effort in my part would ever ever get me anywhere without deserving it in one way or another. And when I lose, I still would gain something in return... And such, this belief that everything will be all right in the end, no matter how painful anything may seem, keeps me sane.
I'm losing something again. I can feel it and I have no control over it. But I can see that there's another gain to be had already. Well... Time will tell.
I do not always get what I want. I will always get what I deserve.

State of self

I’m really lazy right now. It’s been 2 months, if you think things over. And it’s been one month for the unfortunate thing. All in all, I think I’m doing well.

Monday, April 12, 2010

El Bezo del Final

Hay, en mi corazon, una inquietud
Hoy te veo tan distante
Hay, algo que me aleja de tu amor
De repente tu cambiaste
Hoy, insegura estoy
El estar sin ti
Se que me hara sufrir

Anoche yo senti, que me besaste diferente
Y me quede, sin saber que hacer
Yo te conozco y se
Que algo no anda bien, ven dime la verdad
No quiero imaginar
Que fue el beso del final, ooh, ahh ooh

No, se por que ha cambiado tu actitud
Ojala que todo sea un error
No quiero comprobar que te perdi
Ni que nuestro amor se acabe
Oigo una voz, que se hunde en mi
Que me vuelve a repetir
Lo que no quiero oir

Anoche yo senti que me besaste diferente
Y me quede sin saber que hacer
Yo te conozco y se
Que algo no anda bien, ven dime la verdad
No quiero imaginar
Que fue el beso del final

Hoy, insegura estoy
El estar sin ti
Se que me hara sufrir
Ohhh...

Anoche yo sente que me besaste diferente
Y me quede(me quede) sin saber que hacer
(Sin saber que hacer)
Yo te conozco y se (y te conozco)
Que algo no anda bien (algo no, anda bien), ven dime la verdad
No quiero imaginar
Ahhh...ohhh...

Anoche yo sentm, que me besaste diferente
Y me quede sin saber qui hacer (ooh ohh)
Yo te conozco y se(se conozco bien)
Que algo no anda bien, ven dime la verdad
No quiero imaginar
Que fue el beso
Que fue el beso del final

Que fue el beso del final
Que fue el beso del final
Que fue el beso del final
Que fue el beso del final
Que fue el beso del final
Que fue el beso del final
Que fue el beso del final

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Komikon Summer de avance

UP Bahay ng Alumni, UP Diliman

10 am to 6 pm...

This cycle bloody sucks and I’m all green now!!!

 

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Damned week… I’m bloody well tired out…

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Slow Weekend

I promised not to drink this weekend and I didn't. I thought I'd go to the office this weekend. I didn't though. Tsk!!! I didn't sleep all that much either. The only good thing I did was rehydrate myself... Oh well... One step at a time in getting better.

Friday, April 2, 2010

Too much of something is not good...

I have way too much food right now... I ordered 2 rice meals and 2 burgers... Can I finish it all? Most probably not... I already gave 2 of the drinks away. Maybe I should have bought some bottled water instead...
I want sleep... I should sleep... I think I want a new shirt... Hehe!!!

I’m really really tired right now...

 

Insensitive

How do you cool your lips
After a summer’s kiss
How do you rid the sweat
After the body bliss
How do you turn your eyes
From the romantic glare
How do you block the sound
Of a voice you’d know anywhere

Oh, I really should have known
By the time you drove me home
By the vagueness in your eyes
Your casual good-byes
By the chill in your embrace
The expression on your face
That told me
Maybe You might have some advice to give
On how to be
Insensitive
Insensitive
Insensitive

How do you numb your skin
After the warmest touch
How do you slow your blood
After the body rush
How do you free your soul
After you’ve found a friend
How do you teach your heart
It’s a crime to fall in love again

Oh, you probably won’t remember me
It’s probably ancient history
I’m one of the chosen few
Who went ahead and fell for you
I’m out of hope, I’m out of touch
I fell too fast, I feel too much
I thought that you might have
Some advice to give on how to be
Insensitive
I really should have known
By the time you drove me home
By the vagueness in your eyes
Your casual good-byes
By the chill in your embrace
The expression on your face
That told me
Maybe You might have some advice to give
On how to be
Insensitive
Insensitive
Insensitive

Thursday, April 1, 2010

If I were to die tomorrow...

... no regrets, ok?

Beep beep beep goes the phone...

A forwarded message... A question... A favor... A greeting... A dangerous encounter... A plea... A plan... A new number saved... The list goes on... Just from yesterday...

I'm weird...

I do something because I want to do it. I never try to force myself because there's always merit in doing something, no matter how stupid or hard or whatever else it may be...

It’s Holy Thursday... I’m in the office. I’m waiting for the builds to get done. I’m afraid there might be something wrong that will happen. I sure hope not.

 

I’m getting messages from the cell... Hell! This is harsh...