I want to say that I forgive him but I'm not sure if he's sorry that we're fighting or he's sorry because he's giving up. Maybe I should let it . But then, where am I right now? If he was here, I might let it go, I think, because eventually I'll feel his hunger for me in his kiss. I would believe that tomorrow would be better than today. However, in this state of mind that I'm in now, I am... disdainful of his emotional distance. I am disappointed in his avarice for money. I am... sad at being alone. I am... hoping he'd tell me that he loves me, truly, and making me believe it. I am... hoping that I'm not disappointing him. I am... trying my best and knowing that I'm failing. I am... so alone. Hoping against hope that he would tell me he's there without throwing it in my face. I'm so bruised deep inside. But then... Why? My head aches. My heart aches. My body aches. I am empty. I am nothing. Am I going to ever be able to find worth in myself or am I going to be left with nothing once again? My emotions are frail but I am feeling. However, would it be better to feel nothing instead?
I leaned on someone too much and I suddenly got attached, which is not a good thing. I understand that this might have eventual ramifications. I just never thought it would be so bad as this. I should end it now. I understand that I’m only trying to like someone because they make me feel good but the thing is, it’s moving too fast and I’m not in love. I’m just in like. In all honesty, I’m simply being very much flattered with the attention I am getting and seeking the security of another relationship when in fact, I am not ready for a new one. I’m thankful for the time and the effort and all the flowery words that has come my way. It’s a good build-up for my sense of self after it has crashed but in all honesty, why am I even considering something that is obviously not right? Ok... Time to think... Get drunk again and all that.
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