Friday, August 15, 2008

I'm angry and sad at the same time

I want to say that I forgive him but I'm not sure if he's sorry that we're fighting or he's sorry because he's giving up. Maybe I should let it . But then, where am I right now? If he was here, I might let it go, I think, because eventually I'll feel his hunger for me in his kiss. I would believe that tomorrow would be better than today. However, in this state of mind that I'm in now, I am... disdainful of his emotional distance. I am disappointed in his avarice for money. I am... sad at being alone. I am... hoping he'd tell me that he loves me, truly, and making me believe it. I am... hoping that I'm not disappointing him. I am... trying my best and knowing that I'm failing. I am... so alone. Hoping against hope that he would tell me he's there without throwing it in my face. I'm so bruised deep inside. But then... Why? My head aches. My heart aches. My body aches. I am empty. I am nothing. Am I going to ever be able to find worth in myself or am I going to be left with nothing once again? My emotions are frail but I am feeling. However, would it be better to feel nothing instead?

No comments: