Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Email to Dan that I didn't send him...

Should I send this? Hmmm... My gut says yes but I know he'll just whine and not do anything to really make me feel better. He'll just complain and in the end, I really won't get what I want. I'll confront him when he comes home. I hope to God that he won't do anything bad while he's in Abu Dhabi and make me regret not sending him this. If he does, I'll just have to learn that I am better off, though. It will hurt.

Dan,

Think of it this way... I'm growing up... Because if I saw that before, I would not have talked to you outright, ok? Geeze! So I'm upset. Who wouldn't? I can't even get you to email me that much in a day. You're always super busy, you say... Hell... you didn't even email me back for yesterday's.
Another thing is that you're always so depressing in your emails to me that you emit such sadness in your emails that I can't feel happy receiving emails from you anymore. Ok, delete that, I am happy... sometimes... sometimes though... ok, truth is... I'm not very happy from your emails these days. Do you email me because you want to or you email me because you have to?
Hell!!! Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!!!!! Ok, I wasn't going to go get angry and now I'm feeling righteous in my anger. Call me stupid or crazy but now I'm going psycho about this already. Buti pa siya, mas maraming emails nakuha sa iyo ngayong araw. Ilan ba iyon? Hmmm... Isa? Dalawa? Tatlo? Hmmm... Buti pa siya nag-email ka ng reply sa forwarded message niya lang... Buti pa siya, parang masaya kang ka-email siya. Ano nga ba naman ako? Girlfriend mo lang. After all, nakuha mo na ako. Nagamit mo na rin ako. Depressing girl who's waiting for you. After all, wala nang effort na kailangan kapag ganyan, ano? Ang tamad mo!!!
Naaalala ko pa kung paano ka dati. Pero hindi ka na parehong Dan na minahal ko noon. Would it be better for me now if I actually just walked away way back then when I still loved you than to have stayed and sometimes want to hate you?

Hmmm... you don't know how to keep promises...
Hmmm... you forget important dates...
Hmmm... you make a person feel unimportant...
Hmmm... you make a person feel like crap...

You really shouldn't say something that was so easy for me to check. Well...

I'm bad.

Things Dan does for me:

He calls me.
He lends me money.
...
...
I'm trying!!!
Ummm...
He emails me back...
Should that even be something he does for me?
He tells me he loves me...
He was absent from work for a day to talk to me...
We had cybersex that day and he din't want to talk about my problems...
He tells me he loves me...

Argh!

I'm not in a good mood right now...

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