Wednesday, July 30, 2008

March Letter...

Roxanne,

I don't know how to say this but I have learned my mistakes. (Not really. You haven't changed) I should have loved you more. (So basically you don't love me?) I should have cared for you more. (So basically you don't care?) I should have shown you more how much I am willing to give for our relationship. (So you could have given more except you didn't?) I shouldn't have fooled around. (If you shouldn't have done it, why did you do it in the first place?) I want our love to last. (Not the way it's going.) I want you so much that it hurts so bad knowing that you already decided to leave me. (Show me.) It hurts so bad that I don't even know how to fix things between us without you telling me what to do. (Why do I always have to tell you what to do? Don't you have a mind of your own? If not, then maybe I should rethink the past two years over.) I am a hopeless case. (It sure seems like it.) I am very sorry for being one. (Sorry people actually do something to make up for it.) From this moment on, I am going to send you email everyday if possible. (Actually, you only lasted two days.) I should have thought about this a long time ago but I thought it didn't mattered that much to you. (Of course it matters. It still matters up to now.) I was thinking that I only have to wait for one year and then I can see you again. (One year is a long long time.) I was planning not to return here when I go for vacation. (I'm sure it's mostly for you.) Sure the money is great but nothing can be compared to the times when we were together. (And you find work boring, right? Basically, you're coming back for you and not really for me.) Those times when we would watch movies on our laptop for a whole day. (I remember that in those time, you would always be the one to choose the movies.) Those times when we would go to malls and eat to our hearts content. (You hate going to the mall. And we don't eat out so much because you hate the thought of spending.) Those times when we would argue which movie to watch. (I always have to let you win.) Those times when I would wake up and see you sleeping next to me. Those times when I woke up and see you cooking our breakfast. (Why can't you cook breakfast at least once?) Those times were the best times of my life. (You left me behind.) I have never said these words before to other girls if that is what you're thinking. (How can you? You've never lived with any of your ex's before.) I never did things out of the ordinary with girls except with you. (It's more like I can't get you to do anything extraordinary. It's so much harder that extracting a tooth. I couldn't even get you to meet my biological family.) You are the one that makes me feel more than happy. (Hah! You don't even notice when I'm not there.) You are the one that gives meaning to my existence. (I'm a doormat.) You said you want me to catch you, but can you do the same for me? (You haven't caught me yet. I'm still falling.) I am breaking apart right now without you. (You've already broken me.) Please don't tell me that you never want me back. I would never want to come back if am going to lose you. What's the point of going back when there's no one waiting for you? (Thanks for the guilt trip!!!) you ever truly forgive me? Can you please not hate me anymore? Can you please continue loving me? I promise not to hurt you anymore. I will do anything you want just to make up things between us. I have changed. I swear. I love you. (Right? So how many months has it been since you said that? So when will that miraculous change show itself?)

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