Drinking Milk Tea

I’m happy enough to survive today in spite of the reruns of heartbreaking moments in my mind. Sometimes, I’d much rather appreciate if I had a simpler mind and my memories of certain times are not too clear as there are things I’d much rather forget. But then, I’m not made like that. Really, it’s easier to be normal rather than be like this.

I wonder how bad it is to admit to myself the truth. No, I’ve long admitted this to myself. I love him. And that will always be forever. Whoever comes. Whoever goes. Whether we are together or not. Whether I am happy with him or without him. Whether I am sad. Whether I am angry. Whether I breathe or I do not, love is always there. It never changes. It never goes. It could be warped. It could be forgotten. It could even be selfish at its worst, but love is there. There are things I want that I will never have. There are things I need that I will never ever hold.  I do not mind not having the things I want. I’ve never expected that of the world. But to be deprived of a need is harsh. It is torture of the greatest magnitude. It is not a life at all. I am ok. Tonight, when I sleep, I will not be crying. Tomorrow, when I wake, I will even try to smile. But I dread the coming days. I always dread the coming days.  

I'm afraid everyday that I'm failing at being ok. I may say that I like my weight and size right now but I haven't worked on losing weight. I tried to maintain it when I noticed I was losing it too fast like a stone falling but it's not working. I'm still losing and though I force my body, it's not cooperating. When I force in too much, it forces itself out. Part of me wonders if it would be ok if I can be better if I get the closure on the ruins of my past relationship, but then, logically, that's a very incorrect conclusion to make. My psyche is mine and no one else's. No matter how much I might want this to be someone else's problem, there is no denying the fact that it is my problem in the end. I've got to get a handle on myself and truly move on, not just mentally and emotionally, but psychologically as well.

Sometimes, in life, time passes by and we convince ourselves that we are ok, that everything is just fine, even if it’s not. We let time make the memories fade and we make ourselves believe that the memories take the feelings away. But logic and emotions occupy two different sides of the brain and so, though we forget, our heart still keeps a beat in remembrance of the past that logically, should have faded away.

Today is the last day I will say this. Just for today. Tomorrow is the 12 th and tomorrow will be the end.   I love you. I miss you. I hate you. I need you. I want you but I don’t.   You’ve hurt me so much I’m not sure I’ll ever trust anyone else to love me again. I’ve loved you so much that I’ll never love anyone else that way again. Sometimes I wish I’ve never met you but I know in my heart that part of me is thankful for having met you. A lot of me is sad. A lot of me is hurt. And a lot of me is regretful. Part of me breathes easy every day, knowing I don’t have to hope anymore, hurt anymore, need anymore.   I didn’t cry for a while. I didn’t cry yesterday. I didn’t cry for the past two months. I gave up on that day, but perhaps, in truth, I gave up a long time ago.   I miss you but I know you’re not coming back. I miss you but I know you shouldn’t come back. I love yo...

Yeah ladies and gentlemen Love is Love is something that you say while looking in someone's eyes Something you send to someone's heart I hope we become like love too Love is childish like a fairy tale, But is still sweet like candy I hope our love will last forever You are beautiful to me, You are so beautiful to me The way my heart is racing, I'm sure it's love You are beautiful to me, You are so beautiful to me An angel who has come down from the sky, is what I think you are Your shortly cut hair, and your round two eyes As pretty as a doll, you are my love Love is the feeling of flying above the clouds Something that's warm like sunlight This feeling, I'm sure you can feel it too Love can make me as cool as the main character of a cartoon You too, are my very own princess You are beautiful to me, You are so beautiful to me I want to hold your beautiful hand forever You are beautiful to me, You are so beautiful to me Like a prince on a white stallion, I will w...

I want to say I’m ok without having to lie but I’m not. I’m worried about a lot of things right now they clog my brain. It must be why I didn’t sleep today. I should settle this life I’m living. I should find closure for all these worries. I should stop wanting more than what I already have. I should be done. However, what should be done has never been what I truly do. Smile and bear it. Ignore the bad thoughts. Just smile and bear it.  

I want to be stronger than I am now. I've always felt that I was weak before. I have no idea how I've been able to get past all of my limits for the past years, the past months. There were so many times that it felt too much, that I feel like I've lost a lot, but then, days come when feelings fade and I step up once again. Something happens or someone becomes something more. But then, this new situation confuses me on how to handle it. As I have always been weak in this. I do not know how to handle this. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do. I don't know how hard to push or if I should simply keep quiet. As much as I'd like to be selfish and cry with all my might for another loss that might or might not come, I cannot, for this is not about me. This is about someone else right now. Bro, be strong and please please please tell me when it's hard and you'd like to cry. I promise to listen as always.

Don't cry. Don't sit down. It could be a little difficult. Saying its nothing, you could forget about it for a while. She said, I don't care for a weak guy. No matter how handsome he is. I like a strong person who can protect his girl. # baby it’s now or never this time is right oh oh Everything begans from this moment, oh oh So that I won't get tired no matter how far I have to walk around, Dear you, give me strenght. Feel so right. One more time (one more time) One more time (one more time) Even if I fall again, one more time You can do what you do. Shout out whenever you are tired. I don't care for a weak guy. No matter how handsome he is. I like a strong person who can protect his girl. # REPEAT EVERYONE GET UP. ITS NOW, oh oh EVERYTHING BEGINS AGAIN TODAY, oh oh baby it’s now or never this time is right oh oh Nomatter how high of a place, I will climb up, oh oh I might be late but I won't give up. baby it’s now or never yeah~ feel so right (feel so right) I...

We vowed that day to spread our wings and fly to the other side of our dream The seasons bathe into more of the light, Let's go and fly away I gazed at the vapour trails and murmured, "How far will that go ? " We have to go further and further away, you gave an invincible smile During the neverending promise in the summer twilight Recall our sky 1,2, step, draw your emotions that dance high in the sky Gather the breeze, run away from the clouds and catch the sun There are no worries, nothing to be afraid of, I'm always with you I take you hand and start running to our sky Let's go, my friend We always have dreams we want to chase We talked about it on the train tracks Someday, they'll surely be granted right And you gave a determined smile How far does our depicted future go for ? Don't ever forget our sky 1,2, step, draw your emotions that dance high in the sky Gather the breeze, run away from the clouds and catch the sun There ...