After drinking on and off for a for a few weeks now, I think I’ve gotten a handle on one bottle. Or maybe it’s because I’ve been trying Red Horse for last month and San Mig Light is what’s being offered lately, so basically, it doesn’t impact me all that much. With 5-inch heels today, in spite of having drank a bit, I didn’t fall down the 2 blocks I walked back to the office. And there was a buzz for only 15 minutes or so... Of course, I know there might be some dead brain cells somewhere but if it kills the portions that makes me hear certain things when I’m all alone, then why not?
I'm on a the verge of tears but I am successfully able to hold them in. I don't want to cry here where no one really cares how I feel. I have to hold it in. He's not saying anything and it hurts just a little because he makes me feel like crap sometimes. Whenever I feel like this, I don't want to feel much of anything anymore. I don't want to care anymore. There is me with him and there is me without him. There's a marked difference because the me without him is an empty shell. But then, no matter how empty I may be, I am still myself, right? No one understands why I am like this. Maybe someone out there does but it hurts that even he doesn't understand. If he truly understand, then he would care enough to write, he would care enough to let me know that he's alive. Ah! I'm being scary again. And I am scary. It's not so much that I scare other people. It's more like I scare myself. Probably because this feeling of rage, this feeling of helples...
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