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On how I feel right now

I'm so sleepy but I don't really think I'll be sleeping early. There's no hope for that. I want to but I know I'm a little disturbed. No, that's not true. I'm a lot more disturbed than that.
Hmmm... I'm thinking about a lot of things. Like the fact that I don't think I'll have a lot of money next month. It's ok. It's only money. But then, it'll be a problem when we have to pay a lot of money to the hospital when Tatay is discharged. Life can be harsh to some people. Sometimes, I wonder about the path I have taken. But then, it's a path I've chosen. No going back in time available for me. There's only today and tomorrow. I don't regret choosing to be their daughter. What I regret is being too uncaring about the past few years. Perhaps if... Perhaps not...
I'm working hard not to have any problems. But then, it's not like problems can truly be avoided. However, in my life, I know that some things, I truly deserve.
I wish I can win the lottery. I hope it works the same way as wishing for the perfect guy. Well... somehow, I'm regretting a little bit but some part of me knows I've already bonded my soul with his. But then, he just sucks right now. But then, I suck as well... I don't know how to handle it right now so I'm trying to handle things with kid gloves. No calling. No texting. No emailing unless it's an email back. Nothing from me that will entail him giving me a long lecture on responsibility.
So as for winning the lottery.... Here's the plan. I wanna win the lottery. Depending on which set of numbers win, I'll split half with either Nanay and Tatay or Dan. If Dan's and my numbers win, he gets half, no questions asked. I'll then split my share to half with Nanay and Tatay getting half. If Nanay and Tatay's and my numbers win, I'll split half with them. Then I'll split my half with Dan. Basically, that's my plan. Then of course, immediately, give 10% to charity so no thought about it is needed anymore.
Ahhh! So sleepy.
And then of course, there's the shopping spree in Singapore. I plan on buying every little device I've taken a hankering to have. Depending on how much I win, I'll either buy one of the condo units being sold here in Cubao that's not yet complete but I'll still still buy one for investment purposes. I should probably put half of everything in a trust fund so I won't think of it. I'll put a quarter in time deposit. And I'll still work for a while.
My mind doesn't work right now. I wish Dan would call just because he wants to hear my voice. I want to hear his voice that whispers in every word that he loves me and misses me. I don't need him to say the exact words. I just need to hear it in his voice right now. I need to love him so much right now.

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