...

He hasn't emailed me yet. It's been two days but then, sometimes, even one day seems so long already. I don't really mind. I've decided to put a little manacle on myself. No calls. No texts. No emails. No nothing. Not that I don't want to. Although there is a part of me that doesn't feel the overdriving need I used to have. It's just that... There's nothing...

I want to know if he still loves me. I want to know if I still love him. But then, my questions won't be answered in two days. My mind is a mess. I can see it in my apartment. I don't feel at peace and I don't feel like caring right now. But then, I want to know.

I hope I still love him, weird as it sounds. Though it would most probably hurt me. I still want to. But then, I don't want to call him. He'll tell me I'm overspending. I don't want to text him. He'll tell me the same thing. I don't want to email him. He won't reply anyway. And also, I don't want to show up online later tonight. Aside from telling me I'm overspending, he's going to want sex. I want him to want me for more than my body.

I want him to love me. I need someone to love me right now. I need someone to love right now.

But then, I'm not crying. Am I better off not feeling anything right now?