Drinking Milk Tea

It’s been a week and I am ready to accept what has happened and move on with my life as it is. I may be sad but there is no changing what has been done. There is no life in staying in a mindset where I am unhappy. There is so much more to life than being weak and ineffective and there is so much promise in moving on.

Dear Lord,   Please keep me sane. Please keep me strong. Please keep me safe. Please let me be filled with your love. This day is so hard.

Was there something wrong with me? What did I do wrong? What could I have done differently? Why didn’t I see this coming? Why were they unfaithful to me? Was it something I did wrong ? Was it something I should've done? Why am I not good enough? How could they do this to me? Why don’t they love me? Am I a bad person? Is it because of me? Did I make this happen? Did I cause my marriage to fail?

How long have you been together? June 5, 2011   How did you first meet? In a bar. He asked for my number.   What attracted you to your girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse? He was cute.   What did you like most about him/her? He cleaned my house.   When did you first notice that the relationship was not quite right? When he didn’t kiss me upon coming home from work.   When did you begin to wonder what it would be like if you ended the relationship? (Tip: it was probably earlier than you think) Before we were married.   Are you already in a relationship with someone else?  Perhaps your partner already knows about your infidelity? No.   Does your partner suspect your infidelity? Yes. It’s not true.   Have you already found somewhere else to live (if living together)? No.   What exactly bothers you about the relationship? I don’t trust him.   What exactly do you not...

Dear Lord,   Do I deserve this?

I forgot that I still have a wish that I can whisper to the universe just because I can. I wish that I was wrong. I wish that we can forgive each other. I wish that we still love each other. I wish that we understand each other. I wish that you'll hold me again one day. I wish that tomorrow will turn out much better than today. I wish that I don't regret anything. I wish that you're ok.

Kumusta ka na? Kumakain ka ba? Huwag ka masyadong uminom. Baka magsuka ka na naman. Masaya ka ba? I pray for you. I miss you. I love you. Please please please always take care of yourself.

One of the worst things in the world is to be left behind. It's sadder than being the one walking away. This time though, I have someone else with me to keep me company through the long nights. There are a lot of reasons why I told JR to go away. There are a lot of reasons he did. I wonder what will happen when he comes to his senses? Or will be actually realize what he did wrong? I know where I'm wrong but I know it's not wrong to insist on the things I believe in. Before I relate what has happened to get us from loving husband and wife to silent strangers, I would like to start with saying that I love him very much and I miss him a lot. I do not want him back, but it does not change my feelings at the moment. I do not even feel the anger that raged over me for a while. The past three weeks have been a downward spiral of the worst sort. It started before that but I simply didn't want it to happen this month of all months. Truly, any other month would have been pr...

The truth is staring me in the face. I better accept it for what it is.