Skip to main content

Giving birth and dealing with rashes

Time flies by when you're having fun or breastfeeding.

Giving birth wasn't easy. It's not something that you'll say isn't that bad at all. As far as I'm concerned, it hurt like hell and I was already drugged then. It kept hurting and hurting until you just can't take the pain anymore and you actually beg for more pain just so it'll end but you keep on thinking that nothing is working and though the pain is so consistently bad, there was no popping feeling at all. Or maybe because the popping happened during the super-drugged time already and everything fast-forwarded.

Thank goodness my baby is really cute. I'm not saying I'll love my baby any less if he isn't. I'm just hoping I won't be one of those parents who dote on their uncute children and keep on bragging about them and everyone wonders what the they're talking about. My baby is cute and there is absolutely no denying that fact. Yes, he can get pretty red and splotchy but once he calms down, he's just really really good-looking.

Nursing wasn't hard for me. Yes, the nipples got sore but with my pain tolerance, it was nothing at all. What was hard and embarrassing as well was that I had just too much breastmilk that it flowed out of me like I was going to feed 10 kids at once. And considering we were in a ward, everyone saw!!! Or at least lots and lots and lots of people saw. Grrr!!! And now I have a plugged duct, and I don't have a breast pump, not even a manual. What to do?

I know you're supposed to expect rashes on babies simply because they're so sensitive to everything. This was the reason I got my baby 3 types of organic baby balms, non-alcoholic products and non-sulfate, ptalate and whatchamacallit bath products, cloth diapers and mild laundry soap. This could have worked if I was the only one to handle baby but unfortunately, I didn't even launder the cloth diapers myself. This resulted in inflamed diaper rash that actually needed oral antibiotic. This made me want to cry. Antibiotic for my baby who isn't even a month old? How unfair!

I still can't get any sleep due to the fact that when baby sleeps outside the room in his playpen, I keep one eye open for his cries. When baby sleeps inside the room, all three of us can barely fit on the bed that it's so much easier just staying awake.

Ideally, baby should nurse for at least 15 minutes and then stay upright for another 15 minutes. With his tendency to cough a whole lot, he tends to throw up as well. So as to prevent this, I keep with the 15-minute rule. This of course should only take up 30 minutes every 3 hours or so. Baby Ren does not like to follow rules. He nurses for about 5 minutes, lets me keep him upright for 15 then nurses again. This sometimes goes for 2 hours. My back hurts!!!

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

On whether I should care...

I'm on a the verge of tears but I am successfully able to hold them in. I don't want to cry here where no one really cares how I feel. I have to hold it in. He's not saying anything and it hurts just a little because he makes me feel like crap sometimes. Whenever I feel like this, I don't want to feel much of anything anymore. I don't want to care anymore. There is me with him and there is me without him. There's a marked difference because the me without him is an empty shell. But then, no matter how empty I may be, I am still myself, right? No one understands why I am like this. Maybe someone out there does but it hurts that even he doesn't understand. If he truly understand, then he would care enough to write, he would care enough to let me know that he's alive. Ah! I'm being scary again. And I am scary. It's not so much that I scare other people. It's more like I scare myself. Probably because this feeling of rage, this feeling of helples...

Mirrors and Purple glitter

Am I the girl I see in the mirror? My head is in such a haze but when I look in the mirror, I look ok. My make-up is low-key and simply pretty. My hair is up in a ponytail and not all over the place. I’m actually in a pretty white blouse, plain brown dress pants and my trusty flats. If I look far enough away, I don’t see the tears almost breaking out, the stupid confusion in my eyes and the almost pinched look on my lips. I look ok. The dark purple fingernails feel weird for me all day. I miss the red almost-bloodlike tips. I miss sinking the tips of long nails on someone’s flesh. Ahhh... Well... I’ve cut them down to a sufficiently short length so as not to hurt anyone now. I know that I’m being unfair right now and that I’m spiralling on a really bad place. I’m spinning this weave that I’m getting stuck on. It’s not like I want to get stuck. I just don’t know what else to do except spin it and spin it until I get dizzy ...

On separation

Whenever I listen to you, it seems that even paper flowers have a fragrance. I remember the night we met. It almost seems so long ago with so many things happening between us and yet it was only a year and a half. June 5, 2011.  It was close to midnight, I guess. You changed my life then. I was so low and so broken. I wanted to feel something from the emptiness inside me and you came along, with that big smile, that twinkle in your eyes, that confidence daring the world to take you apart. I was not impressed but I was broken enough not to care because simply, I wanted someone to touch me and keep me warm. You took the chance and told me you loved me then and there. I thought you were full of yourself but I let you be you and let you touch me. We spent the day after together. I still remember Chowking and what I ordered. And when you left me in the morning after, I felt just a little less broken. Little by little, I was mended and was stronger and one day, a month after, I ...