Skip to main content
So the recent events of my life...

I waited for Dan... And then... I waited for him to fulfill his promise...

And then I got really really really tired. I got so tired and disgusted with the relationship. It pissed me off. Ok, and I was getting tired of listening to my mother wax poetic on how guys shouldn't treat girls like that.

It's weird. Yes... I know. I probably would have had more patience if I were alone. However, I wasn't. And when people go over and over and over again over something they shouldn't talk about, you just want to tell them to shut up. Yell even...

And so I did it... Well... I did something I was getting pushed to do over and over again. It feels like hurtling off a cliff and I ended up so bruised and battered afterwards. I still don't feel all that well.

In plain words, I broke up with him and broke my own heart into a million little pieces.

I went back and asked him, if I take it back, would you take me back? I could see it in his eyes. Before he even said anything, it was already there. The no that hurt and pulled the plug out of me.

I'm alright and I can live well enough. It's like taking my heart out of my chest but that's ok. A lot of people live without hearts. I did that before. I can do it again. I don't have to cry. I just have to not feel.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

On whether I should care...

I'm on a the verge of tears but I am successfully able to hold them in. I don't want to cry here where no one really cares how I feel. I have to hold it in. He's not saying anything and it hurts just a little because he makes me feel like crap sometimes. Whenever I feel like this, I don't want to feel much of anything anymore. I don't want to care anymore. There is me with him and there is me without him. There's a marked difference because the me without him is an empty shell. But then, no matter how empty I may be, I am still myself, right? No one understands why I am like this. Maybe someone out there does but it hurts that even he doesn't understand. If he truly understand, then he would care enough to write, he would care enough to let me know that he's alive. Ah! I'm being scary again. And I am scary. It's not so much that I scare other people. It's more like I scare myself. Probably because this feeling of rage, this feeling of helples...

Mirrors and Purple glitter

Am I the girl I see in the mirror? My head is in such a haze but when I look in the mirror, I look ok. My make-up is low-key and simply pretty. My hair is up in a ponytail and not all over the place. I’m actually in a pretty white blouse, plain brown dress pants and my trusty flats. If I look far enough away, I don’t see the tears almost breaking out, the stupid confusion in my eyes and the almost pinched look on my lips. I look ok. The dark purple fingernails feel weird for me all day. I miss the red almost-bloodlike tips. I miss sinking the tips of long nails on someone’s flesh. Ahhh... Well... I’ve cut them down to a sufficiently short length so as not to hurt anyone now. I know that I’m being unfair right now and that I’m spiralling on a really bad place. I’m spinning this weave that I’m getting stuck on. It’s not like I want to get stuck. I just don’t know what else to do except spin it and spin it until I get dizzy ...

On separation

Whenever I listen to you, it seems that even paper flowers have a fragrance. I remember the night we met. It almost seems so long ago with so many things happening between us and yet it was only a year and a half. June 5, 2011.  It was close to midnight, I guess. You changed my life then. I was so low and so broken. I wanted to feel something from the emptiness inside me and you came along, with that big smile, that twinkle in your eyes, that confidence daring the world to take you apart. I was not impressed but I was broken enough not to care because simply, I wanted someone to touch me and keep me warm. You took the chance and told me you loved me then and there. I thought you were full of yourself but I let you be you and let you touch me. We spent the day after together. I still remember Chowking and what I ordered. And when you left me in the morning after, I felt just a little less broken. Little by little, I was mended and was stronger and one day, a month after, I ...