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Laments...

It's a little lonely being here right now and the life I willingly let myself live. However, some days, I simply try to look forward to another tomorrow, even if I don't sleep through the night.

I wish I was better. I wish I was more... I wish I can be perfect though I truly hate the illusion of perfection. I hate it hate it hate it.

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I want to say I’m ok without having to lie but I’m not. I’m worried about a lot of things right now they clog my brain. It must be why I didn’t sleep today. I should settle this life I’m living. I should find closure for all these worries. I should stop wanting more than what I already have. I should be done. However, what should be done has never been what I truly do. Smile and bear it. Ignore the bad thoughts. Just smile and bear it.