Skip to main content

Secret Wish

My dirty little secret is that I want to get married, in church, Catholic, in a beautiful white gown and my closest friends in attendance. Now I'll never have any of that, except of course, probably for my best friends attending. Hopefully next month. What if the baby pops out before then?
But to the point, I won't get a Catholic wedding because I don't have a Catholic groom. Not that I'm complaining about his faith, mind you. We both pray and believe in God and all that. We've agreed to disagree about the religion thing and aren't pushing it. And I won't be getting that beautiful white gown because I'm hugely pregnant and would look like a big white ship in it and we really won't be able to afford something like that.
But that's my secret and I won't tell.
I wonder whether getting something else I do want and can afford would land me in a heap of trouble. Maybe it's the Shopaholic books making me want to buy something or my birthday coming up and my feeling of not having bought a thing for myself for months. Or just my tendency to over-obsess over myself.
Nevertheless, the following are what I want:
That little leather bag with all the compartments in Rustan's. It's teenier than my wallet but it has all the right compartments for a cellphone, cards and on-the-go stuff. I'm thinking of changing my wallet to it, actually. So then I won't have to hand over my cards to JR all the time we go out. It's all a good point and it's leather!!!
The Barbie black suede pumps were really really cute on my feet earlier today. Black suede makes me look really really good. It must be the ghost-like skin. Hehe! Undoubtedly, I won't have a chance of wearing them these days but I really will be losing the bump after 3 months. Why wait when it's 20 off. But I will... A few months of waiting will do me good.
I do believe that it's a good time to invest in boots as the rainy season is coming. I'll check out the prices and if it's good, why the hell not, right?
At half off, I think that The Body Shop palette is good and since I've been thinking of using the colors I found in it, it's a good buy.
The leather jacket from Promod, makes me love it. It's so soft. It's so warm and it's so me. Yes, I can't fit in it but I think it's just such a good buy that I can't forget it. It was on sale too.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

On whether I should care...

I'm on a the verge of tears but I am successfully able to hold them in. I don't want to cry here where no one really cares how I feel. I have to hold it in. He's not saying anything and it hurts just a little because he makes me feel like crap sometimes. Whenever I feel like this, I don't want to feel much of anything anymore. I don't want to care anymore. There is me with him and there is me without him. There's a marked difference because the me without him is an empty shell. But then, no matter how empty I may be, I am still myself, right? No one understands why I am like this. Maybe someone out there does but it hurts that even he doesn't understand. If he truly understand, then he would care enough to write, he would care enough to let me know that he's alive. Ah! I'm being scary again. And I am scary. It's not so much that I scare other people. It's more like I scare myself. Probably because this feeling of rage, this feeling of helples...

Mirrors and Purple glitter

Am I the girl I see in the mirror? My head is in such a haze but when I look in the mirror, I look ok. My make-up is low-key and simply pretty. My hair is up in a ponytail and not all over the place. I’m actually in a pretty white blouse, plain brown dress pants and my trusty flats. If I look far enough away, I don’t see the tears almost breaking out, the stupid confusion in my eyes and the almost pinched look on my lips. I look ok. The dark purple fingernails feel weird for me all day. I miss the red almost-bloodlike tips. I miss sinking the tips of long nails on someone’s flesh. Ahhh... Well... I’ve cut them down to a sufficiently short length so as not to hurt anyone now. I know that I’m being unfair right now and that I’m spiralling on a really bad place. I’m spinning this weave that I’m getting stuck on. It’s not like I want to get stuck. I just don’t know what else to do except spin it and spin it until I get dizzy ...

On separation

Whenever I listen to you, it seems that even paper flowers have a fragrance. I remember the night we met. It almost seems so long ago with so many things happening between us and yet it was only a year and a half. June 5, 2011.  It was close to midnight, I guess. You changed my life then. I was so low and so broken. I wanted to feel something from the emptiness inside me and you came along, with that big smile, that twinkle in your eyes, that confidence daring the world to take you apart. I was not impressed but I was broken enough not to care because simply, I wanted someone to touch me and keep me warm. You took the chance and told me you loved me then and there. I thought you were full of yourself but I let you be you and let you touch me. We spent the day after together. I still remember Chowking and what I ordered. And when you left me in the morning after, I felt just a little less broken. Little by little, I was mended and was stronger and one day, a month after, I ...